Last week was not the best week I've had, but that’s ok. We move on. My position at my work will be terminated on February 28, 2011. Obama restructured the federal career intern program that I am currently under so it has changed the entire program and my employer has to convert me to a permanent position or non-permanent position by February 28th if they have a position. If not, I don’t have a position with the federal government after that date. All of my directors are currently trying super hard to find a position for me and to find a way to keep me, but still it’s all unnerving and annoying because this is about the third or fourth time that I go through this. It bugs me. Especially because the good news I had was based on a project that I just received.

The project I am now working on involves the Secretary of the Interior, Mr. Ken Salazar and all the New York Harbor Parks. He has mandated for the parks to write a report on how to make these parks the Premier Urban National Park.I have been assigned to the Commissioner of the parks, el mero mero, to help him assemble, manage and write this report. It’s due the first weeks of February and it’s a big boost for me. I though it would help me find a more secure role with the parks or the Department of the Interior, but I’m not sure now what will happen.

I am fine. I am keeping the faith and hoping something works out. If not, then it wasn’t meant for me to stay with this organization. So, we’ll see. I have to keep working hard and showing what an asset I can be to the organization. I’m better today but no matter what, I am going to still be nervous and anxious. I am having some trouble sleeping so I try to be in bed no later than 10pm!

Either way, I think I am going to start looking for jobs just in case. I already found a great fellowship that I am applying for so we’ll see. More than anything I just feel really lost right now about my career and it frustrates me. I’ve never been the type of person who just likes to “float’ along. I always had a plan and now, I find myself with no real direction and it frustrates me. It frustrates me that I am so close to achieving what I want to become, but yet it is so difficult to attain it. I also think that I try really hard sometimes and that I also need to relax a little bit then get back on the grind. I'm still having the "come to jesus" talks with myself in trying to figure out my next step, but it's hard here in NYC when I have no real connections or networks. I am starting to network a lot more and I know I need to, so that is one of my focuses.

It also doesn't help that I just received the bill for my Bar prep course with BarBri and it will be $3446.00!! Best part is that it has to all be paid by April 1st and the only scholarship they give out is $400! Idiots. My school advised me to seek a personal loan, but I am also speaking with my financial aid counselor to see if she has any ideas on how to pay for it.

It's just a very weird time for me, I feel stuck in the middle of nothing, and I'm trying to make something out of it but I don't know how, and I've never not known how to make something out of nothing, but this has me stumped. All I can hope for is that the networks I am creating and my resume can get me a great job somewhere because I feel that I deserve it.

So, we press on, hoping that there’s something out there and everything happens for a reason. Staying positive.

But also being realistic. I'll keep you posted and I'll write more this week. It's just been MADNESS with the Secretary project.