I am... 

Tuesday, August 9, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 12:14 AM

From the incomparable Jason Mraz... I find it to be so true at this moment in my life. Enjoy!


Anything you write after I am is simply a concept. So choose what comes after it carefully.

I am successful. I am fulfilled. I am an astronaut. I am amazing. I am late. I am in trouble. I am enlightened. I am yours. Etc.

Anything after I am will only give you power if you worship it. For example, fulfillment doesn’t exist outside the body. You are who decides if you are fulfilled or not. Saying I am fulfilled is a start, but it is the practice and devotion to that affirmation that amplifies it.

For weeks this spring I was devoted to I am sad. I am wrong. I am incomplete. I am not fully expressed. And while none of those things are true unless I believe them to be, my resistance to being love only brought more pain and lethargy.

Finally, with a little help from my friends, classical music, cleansing, exercise, acceptance, and lots of prayer, that which shifts all thoughts back to love, I can finally say I’m on a much clearer path to health and happiness.

I am healthy.
I am happiness.
I am alive.
I am.

It was a close call too. I don’t think I’d ever been as deep in the storm before. I am grateful for treading in such dark waters and I’m committed to never going back.

No healer has ever healed without having healed himself first. No believer has ever believed as strongly without first testing his beliefs. And no lover has truly loved without having loved another and let go.

I’m not afraid to let go anymore. If it looks to others like I did something wrong, made bad choices, acted selfishly, or fearful, then so what. I can say, to you I am wrong. I am selfish. etc. Big deal. Stick and stones may break my bones but I choose not to give those thoughts a home. When I am sad I will simply be grateful for the sadness as it is a gift, a miracle in fact, to experience this powerful emotion, trusting the pendulum swings both ways; embracing all of life in it's awkward perfection. I would never tattoo ‘I am sad’ on my body so why would I dwell on it in the mind? I am awesome, however, will make a great tattoo.

I am honored.
I am humbled.
I am happy.
I am

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Sooo... Tirreeeddd 

Thursday, August 4, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:45 PM
Or maybe I'm just lazy... I'm not sure.

I've been waking up so late this week, but I've been having problems sleeping. I think my brain was so used to working hard and being tired at the end of the day that now it has no idea what to do with all that free space.

I didn't get any of the positions or fellowships that I applied to from May-July. The one fellowship that I really wanted was an Equal Justice fellowship with a women's rights organization that assists immigrant victims of domestic violence, The new fellowship would assist victims of domestic violence who would now possibly be eligible for residency by applying for a U visa. The organization is attempting to expand their services to various areas of immigration law that affect women, especially immigrant and migrant women. So, needless to say, it was a phenomenal organization and I really wanted to be a part of it. But, I interviewed for them, a week before the bar, and I can honestly say it was not my best interview (because my brain was fried) and I was tired. Yes, I am an idiot for interviewing a week before the bar, but hey, I applied, they called, I went.

But, in retrospect, I am not upset and I realized that I need to spend more time getting to know other organizations in NYC. I will spend the next couple of weeks volunteering my time with a few immigrant rights and public interest organizations in NYC. I realized that I have not had the opportunity to show my commitment and my passion with these organizations. I also realized that I am competing with the best of the best and attorneys who have been laid off and are now applying for the same damn jobs that I am applying to. Damn them! So, I need to step up my game!! And I am ready for that.

I think that is what NYC is about... a lot of hard work, patience, perseverance and passion.

I spent half of my day yesterday sending volunteer emails to various organizations and I also responded to the rejection email I received from the women's right organization. I asked if I could volunteer with them, and she loved my "gracious" email and offered me a volunteer in house counsel position! :) Yes, it's a volunteer position, but the fact that she called "counsel" made me smile and made my day. I had to decline it because I am not licensed yet, but she said I could still do it once I pass the bar. In the meantime, I will be doing client intake on Thursdays from 10-2 and I will have some in house cases that I will take on as well.

I will also be volunteering with an immigrant rights organization either in Queens or Brooklyn. I am not sure which location yet.

Today, after sitting on my couch and responding to emails, phone calls, for 5 hours, I decided I would get out of my house and go to the public pool at Central Park. Mind you, I decided to leave my house at 5pm! Little did I know that it wasn't super hot outside (probably because it was 5pm) and that it was about to rain. I decided I would risk the rain anyway and still go to the park because I didn't want to waste the whole day at home. What I really wanted to do was go to the beach, but I am still recovering from Shark Week shows on the Discovery channel, so I can't go yet. Maybe on Saturday I'll go to the beach.

You should be happy to know that I learned how to cook new things this week. I've also decided that if I don't have a job, I should learn how to cook new things. I realized that the only things that I cook are usually mole, caldos, and anything that has cheese, potatoes and squash. Oh and enchiladas. So I cooked gigantic cheeseburgers with homemade onion rings on Monday, Oven fried chicken and mashed potatoes on Tuesday, Enchiladas on Wednesday and today I had leftovers. By leftovers I mean the entire bowl of mashed potatoes that I made Tuesday. I love mashed potatoes, but I ate way too much of them tonight.

The hubs is in San Jose, California (yes, he's gone again!) and he gets to meet the Black Eyed Peas again. Man, he has a hard life.

That's the update for now, I'll be writing more now that I am catching up with life and finally resting.

We have guests for the next 3 weeks straight! CRAZY! But it should be exciting and fun... right? :D

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Friday, July 29, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:03 AM
someecards.com - Hopefully two miserable days of taking the bar exam results in several torturous decades of being overworked

I am done!!!

Thank goodness that fresh hell is done with.

I feel "fine." I can' say I feel great, and I can't say I feel bad. I feel "ok" and I think that's the best way to describe it. The essays were exactly how I was hoping they would be, I ran a little behind time so i didn't get a chance to go further in depth on one topic, but I described it and analyzed it as fast and tedious as I could. :)

All in all, I am done and now I can have a lazy summer or of what remains of it at least. I've been sleeping the last two days and I didn't realize I was so tired! The hubs was amazingly supportive and I am always amazed at his generosity, kindness, encouragement and his keen sense and ability to always keep me calm. I love it and I love him mucho.

Now, we wait until November. Yes, 4 months away and I'm pretty sure the results come out the day of or before my birthday, so it will either be a really great birthday or a not so great birthday. Either way, we will drink tequila that night (advice from my law wife).

So, I am done, thank you all for the well wishes, love, patience, generosity, kindness, good energy, vibes, etc!

Congratulations to all my bar friends as well! We did it! it's done!

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It's Time! 

Monday, July 25, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 7:15 PM
The big day is finally here!

Wishing all of the bar exam takers in the U.S. good luck, light, energy, love, patience, serenity, wisdom, clarity and knowledge!

It's been a long time coming, and we're almost there. Dale duro! Adelante!



Thank you all for the well wishes and positive energy!

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10 days 

Friday, July 15, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 12:51 PM



Holy hell, this fresh hell is almost over. 10 days and counting. It all seems to be flying by and the days no longer make sense. lol. I don't know what day it is, EVER, and I go into the law school in the morning and leave at midnight wondering what the hell happened to the last 12 hours of my day!

Yesterday was my first big defeat on myself. For some reason, I felt fine, and out of nowhere, I felt like I got hit by a giant dumptruck full of doubt and a sense of impossibility. I had been working on a few essays and I got frustrated because I couldn't remember basic rules and I wasn't articulating them in my writing. I got upset that one task seems to take me 3-4 hours and I felt like I wasn't being productive.

Then I started thinking of all the things I still had left to review in 10 days and how much I still had to memorize and all of sudden I was in tears. I decided that I was done for the night, needed to sleep and get back on it tomorrow. I decided to let myself feel miserable at that moment, to embrace it, sleep on it, then wake up and move on.

I haven't been sleeping well, so some nights I get 4 hours of sleep some nights I get 5. So I believe that plays a factor. I slept well last night, slept in a little then decided I would swim before I started studying to clear my body and mind. But THANK YOU HARLEM RIVERSIDE PARK for selling me A STUPID SWIM PASS that can only be used in the buttcrack of dawn or 6-8:30pm. You can't come in for open swim, you have to pay extra. WHO DOES THAT?? WHY WOULD THAT MAKE SENSE? I JUST PAID $30 TO SWIM!

Yes, this was my demeanor, and I was nicely and promptly escorted from the pool premises and didn't get to swim. :) Yup. I lost it. I had to. I know it's probably not their fault, but seriously... I just paid you $30 for a lap swim pass and you want to charge me to enter to swim, again? Really? I love Harlem, but it's inefficiency kills me.

I also miss my hubs, he's been gone for a week and I feel lonelier than ever in NYC. :( He's learning so many amazing things and I know he's going to come back refreshed and feeling alive to start working on his life mission... whatever that might be upon his return. lol :)

Anyways... 10 more days, I will keep pushing on. I know this will be my greatest battle and I have no plans on coming back this way again. :) Good luck to the rest of the bar takers. Give it hell.


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My brain is fried 

Wednesday, July 6, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 7:11 PM


Today sucked. But it was worth it.

We had our first practice test for Barbri-- 8 hours of madness.

I survived, I never panicked (except for lunchtime) and all is well.

The place is huge, but I am glad I received the opportunity to see it before test day. It's the convention center and it's not horrible. It is freezing and I will need my earplugs, but I figured that much anyway.

Bad news is that I didn't do as well as I wanted to. 78/200. But that's ok, I received a 4/5 on my essays. Yes! I know EXACTLY why I didn't do well on the Multistate portion (78/200) and I have 22 days to correct it. All is well and I feel good.

I doubted myself a little, and I worried about myself. I took a teenie study break this weekend and slept in, went to the beach and ate amazing food. But I think it's exactly what I needed and I am no longer scared.

Bring it on.

Now to sleep.

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