I hate Sundays

Sunday, October 10, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:13 PM

I hate Sundays because I usually have to work the next day and because I have to start all over at applying to fellowships and jobs in NYC. I get a bit anxious and it annoys me. Lucky for me tomorrow is Columbus day which means I don't have to go to work! woowoo!! Since it is Columbus day, I plan on entering a strangers home and tell him that it is now mine as I rub a blanket full of syphillus and chicken pox on them. It's going to be great. * i kid*

Today was an excellent day with the husband. We had breakfast with friends and then went out and did absolutely nothing, or as he put it, we pretended to shop. :) It was actually a great weekend full of family and friends, which makes it a perfect weekend for me. I got to hang out with BFF and with my lil sister (aka love muffin) all day on Saturday! Every time I hang out with my love muffin I get reminded to relax, chill, laugh and be silly. I secretly think she is my grandmother reincarnated.

As we were "pretend" shopping today, I asked myself a good question and I will ask you: "why do you shop?" Is it because:

it makes us feel good?
because that is why we work?
you like to show off?
you like new things?
you reward yourself?
you're bored?
you hate your life?

I don't know the answer and I am sure everyone has their reasons, but I am not sure why I do it. All I bought today was makeup and I didn't feel like buying anything else. Maybe its because I want these fantastic boots and I'm saving up for those. :) I don't know, I guess I just wanted to know why, as human beings, we go out and buy stuff.

On another note, today was 10.10.10! I was so excited for this day because I love spooky dates! The last time it was 10 10 10 was 1000 years ago! I googled the significance of this date and I am sad to report that there is absolutely nothing special about it (unless you live in Ashville, NCm then you have 10 shades of crazy there.) Nothing interesting happened 1000 years ago on a similar date.

Finally, we are preparing for Mando's next interview in NYC. We are starting to realize the gigantic impact this will have on us and are deciding to take it one day at a time. There is no need to start planning as if we are moving, because there is still a chance that we are not. (Although, why would they make us waste money on a flight if they weren't sure?) anyways, I won't allow my thoughts to go there. I'll keep applying and keep trying.

Although I have to say, that IF we do go, then I have a bunch of learning to do on how to cook some of my favorite things that my momma makes like menudo, pozole, gorditas, chile colorado, and pretty much everything... :(

Have a great week and remember to chase after your dreams like they stole your money.
besos

p.s. I have to share this video with you because it is exactly what my relationship is to my husband, and after a day like today, it reminds me of how much we have gone through and how strong our love is for one another. :) Careful, it could make you cry.

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It's hard out here for a pimp.. :)

Friday, October 8, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 8:31 AM

Fail. Didn't get an interview with the Bronx Defenders of New York. But its ok. Life goes on. I only got one interview for the EJW conference in D.C. but I think I might cancel. As amazing as the opportunity is, I don't think we want to move to the bay area. I did speak with an EJW rep over email and he told me that over 200 people applied for every position. That's why I say, "its hard out here for a pimp." I am competing for entry level attorney positions with almost 200 applicants per position. That sucks. That makes it so much harder to stand out when they are going through so many applicants. It kinda depresses me a bit, but I just have to keep applying and know that the right position will come along for me. I just need to have patience and lots of it. Which is something I don't have. It's like the great Hova aka Jay-z said, "I have no patience, and I hate waiting..." :) That's me. (i'm just full of lyrics today.)

On a brighter note, mando got a second interview (call back) today with the Urban Arts Partnership in NYC! We are very excited and nervous as it is happening so fast. He interviewed by phone, after meeting them in person last week, then within 2 hours they asked if he would fly out, and he is! I am 90% sure that he got the job, which is FANTASTIC because this is his dream job. He has worked his whole life for a positioin like this one and its in the city of his dreams, NYC. I am so proud of him, but it makes my stomach hurt because that means we have to really start making plans to move. ooy.

We'll see what happens but by the end of the month, I am pretty sure we will know if we stay or if we go...

*keep your fingers crossed*

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Blame it on the Parents :)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 9:42 PM

This is my amazing family. Crazy as they may be, they are mine.

One of the most difficult aspects of making this "potential" move to NYC is our families. We love them so much, and leaving them hurts our hearts more than they know. But we know that it is a move that we need to try and make now. We don't own a house or children, just a beautiful dog that stays with his grandparents.

I blame them for wanting to move to NYC. Damn you for raising such ambitious children who want to go change the world and who don't have the willpower to give up on their dreams! Damn you for instilling a tenacity to achieve and succeed and make you proud! :)

Our families are everything to us and they are our anchors that hold us down when everything gets crazy. My two mothers (my mom and mando's mom) are my best friends. I talk to them about everything. My littlest sister is 4, and moving makes me sad and nervous that I will miss her growing up. I feel that I am a vital part of her life and she is a vital part of mine and she reminds me to let go of the mundane everyday adult world and play, explore, live, giggle and love. She's my muffin.

I am also going to miss out on my nephew growing up and my sister being a beautiful mama. That makes my heart hurt too and sometimes I have to wonder if we are being selfish in all of this. I think it is one of the reasons I get anxiety, because I've never been away from them. I've always been here and I've always been the rock in my family. I don't know what life would be like without them and it scares me.

Another issue is that eventually I am going to have kids and I want my babies to be around their family especially their abuelitos. I know mando's parents can't wait to be abuelitos and I feel guilty that we still don't have grandchildren for them. I also feel sad that if we do have kiddos out in NYC they will have to pay to fly out and visit and they won't be around them 24-7 like I envisioned.

I have to wonder if other mujeres face this problem or if other young latino professionals have to chose between a career and familia. I know mando's parents had to go through it when they decided to leave Tucson for Denver. They came years ago, and never returned. That is their for us, that we will never return. I know for a fact that will not happen to us because I couldn't raise kids or live in such a gigantic city forever. It's hard, I hope to balance both in this lifetime and I've met amazing latina attorneys this weekend that proved to me that it is possible.

I also want to make my family proud and I want to be a role model for my little love muffin and my little monster (nephew, see cuteness below)

I want to be successful in my career and make a difference in the lives of others. That is why I went to law school and that is a passion that my families have instilled in me. So I must balance both and stay true to my dreams and values.

Damn you for raising such a warrior. I blame that part on my beautiful grandmother because every endeavor I take on, I think of her telling me, "A toda madre mija!"

So here's to our families for raising such overachieving nerds. I love you so much.

Can't forget my Melinuska. :)

At some point, I will have to post about my friends, because they are my family too, and the thought of leaving my wolf pack and my pajea besties hurts me to my core. That's for later, I can only handle one emotional night at a time.

p.s. I told my dad about moving to NYC and he said exactly what I thought he would, "Que Chido!" love you dad and good luck running the Chicago Marathon. You are crazy and amazing and i love you.

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No Fellowship yet... But...

Tuesday, October 5, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 9:53 PM

I started out the day with the hope that I might hear back from the Fried Frank Fellowship, and no it has nothing to do with hotdogs. *i wish*

By 9am I opened up my Equal Justice Works account and looked at my tabs. Only one interview accepted and then BAM! Next to Fried Frank Fellowship it said "Not Accepted." My heart sank because not only was it 9am, but also because I hate feeling like a loser so early in the morning. I really wanted this opportunity. I want to be a Fried Frank Fellow! This is why:

"Fried Frank has created unique programs that effectively bridge the worlds of private law firm litigation and public service law by joining with two of the country's leading civil rights advocacy organizations, the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, Inc. (LDF) and the Mexican-American Legal Defense and Educational Fund (MALDEF).

The LDF and MALDEF fellowships each give an entry-level lawyer the opportunity to spend two years as a Fried Frank litigator and then two years as a staff attorney with LDF or MALDEF. At the end of their four-year commitment, the successful Fellows are encouraged to interview to return to Fried Frank and, in some cases, they continue on the staff of their civil rights organization. They pride themselves that a number of their former Fellows hold high-level positions on the staffs of both LDF and MALDEF.

The ideal candidate for a Fried Frank Fellowship is a third-year law student or recent graduate currently in a judicial clerkship. Candidates for the MALDEF and LDF fellowships should have a genuine interest in both corporate and civil rights litigation."

This is my dream job. It's as if God made this just for me. I was totally bummed all day, feeling like a gigantic loser so I decided to do what I know cheers me up. I went sale shopping. That worked for now, but I also realized that I could possibly apply to the Fellowship on my own through the law firm. The deadline is November 1st, and I think I have a better chance at competing this time then through the EJW career fair.

I am really going to try my hardest again and try to receive this fellowship. My target has been set and now I will do everything in my power to win it. Today wasn't as awful as I thought it would be, it also helped that I literally tore my bedroom apart trying to get rid of dust mites so that my husband can stop wheezing and sneezing through the night. We had to buy hypo-allergenic everything!

Sorry, I digress... tomorrow I will send out my emails to request letters of recommendations from two of my professors in hopes that they will help me receive the Fried Frank Fellowship. This would truly be a dream come true.

Buenas noches....xoxo

Jaz

p.s. LatCrit is also in town and I am going to try to get off work so I can go volunteer and check out the panels!

p.p.s. I still haven't told my dad that I want to move to NYC. I must do that tomorrow. I think the universe has my application on hold until then... ay veremos! * wish me suerte*

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Back from NYC & New Haven!

Monday, October 4, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 6:13 PM

I've spent the last 5 days in NYC and in New Haven! I went to attend the National Latino Law Student conference at Yale Law School. It was a good conference (aside from the smoke and mirrors) it went well! More than anything, I met amazing Latino law students and lawyers who are making a difference in the world and who are working hard to stand up and defend those who are silenced and ignored. I loved it.

I loved meeting people from all over the nation who have this amazing drive and energy not only to succeed but to really accomplish great things. The world better be careful because we are a force to be reckoned with!

I went to one interview while I was in NYC. I think it went well, but I left not knowing if I would hear back from them. This was by far, one of the hardest, most intense interviews I have ever done. They asked me about my organizing past and why I applied for an organizer position instead of the Staff Attorney position. I was honest and told them I didn't believe I qualified for the position because I have yet to take the bar. Then I was questioned on my intentions in applying for the position. I don't blame them, they must think that I just want this job so that I could move to NYC then leave them in a couple of months. I told them I planned to commit 2 years to the position if I was chosen. I felt that I made my intentions clear and that they understood and felt my passion for working with a public interest organization. But, at some point I think they felt I was overqualified.

So, at this point I am not sure what to think.... I did ask the Director if I was eligible for the Staff Attorney position but I have yet to hear back.

Tomorrow I hope to hear back from the Equal Justice Works employers. So far I have only heard back from a fellowship in California, but I don't want to go to Cali, I want to be in NYC. This weekend affirmed that in me. I realized that I could handle NYC and that I could survive, thrive and grow. We'll see what happens, I am looking for other internships and jobs in NYC so hopefully something comes through.

I'll keep you posted.

Paz xoxo
jaz

p.s. i saw this quote, and you know me with my inspirational quotes, i had to share it with everyone.

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When do you stop believing?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 12:46 PM

So, I've now sent out 6 applications to various firms and jobs in New York, and I have yet to hear back from a single one. I think by the end of this week I can pretty much assume that I will not be hearing back from them. Discouraging?

Yes. Heartbroken? Yes. Am I finished? No.
I've been told that this market is horrible right now for any recent law grad, but for some dumb (egotistical) reason, I didn't think I would be affected.

One of my professors told me this past week that I have to keep in mind that the best and the brightest are all applying in NYC. And that there are tons of competitors out there, not just me, this latina, from Denver, who wants to change the world.

I know I need to keep trying if I want this to happen becauset this is my dream. I am so close, yet I feel so far away. But at what point do I stop beleiving that it is possible? At what point do we settle and say "you know what? this is good enough?" It's hard to constantly be chasing some elusive goal that you have no real method of attaining except for trying and trying, over and over again. And failing each time.

I've always been an optimist, but i'm tired.

i'm tired of trying.

i'm tired of chasing, i'm tired of rejection.

i'm just plain old tired.

I want to keep believing that it is possible.

I want to believe that it will happen.

I want to keep trying...

but at some point, i need to be realistic with myself and look at my options, here at home.

i'll keep trying.

but say a prayer for us, and send it out to the universe.

maybe that's what i need. ;)

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Done.

Sunday, August 29, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 8:32 PM

I am finally done with that adventure called Law School. 4 years ago this seemed so daunting and I didn't think it would be possible. After my first year, all I could think was "What fresh hell is this?" It truly is like drinking from the fire hose. The experience is one that I warn all first years about, but I remind them quickly that it makes you stronger and that we are all in the same home. (Well, most of us.)

On Thursday, I watched Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor speak at the Sturm College of Law, and her words and experience brought goosebumps to me. She talked about how embarrassing failure is, but it is what we learn from that failure and how we recover that fails. This struck a cord with me because of my failure my first year. here was nothing more embarrassing then my entire first year experience. I had everything taken away from me, and yet I recovered and pushed through. I fought hard for everything I have achieved and I am proud of myself. I think it is sometimes hard to be proud of ourselves sometimes because it seems narcissistic. But as a latina in law, I encountered so many experiences that allowed me to grow and become a better and stronger person. I pushed through each and every challenge I encountered and I plan to do so for the rest of my life. I learned that everything has a solution and the importance of the believing in your dreams and having a strong support system to help you reach them.

The women who kept me sane and inspired me these last three years are the Chingona mujeres of the Latino Law Student Association. To my law wifey who believed in me and pushed me to succeed everyday. This support network within the school itself was invaluable and it is also because of them that I succeeded. I love you mujeres more than you know. :)

Now that I am done I prepare for the final part of the journey. Taking the Bar and finding a job. I want to focus on immigration law with a firm but the job market is not great. I am looking at New York in hopes of finding a job there. :) The journey is not over yet, but one of the hardest parts is. I loved my experience in law school and I hope to help other Latinos attend law school! :)

Thanks to all for your love + support.

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