Calm, Relaxation and BAM! 

Wednesday, October 20, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 6:27 PM


Today was an interesting day. It started out with me eating fried rice for breakfast and for dinner. Nice. I didn't go to work because I had committed to volunteering with my friend Elena at a DPS 8th grade chaotic career and school fair. I originally said yes because I thought we were going to be on a panel about being in law school or being lawyers, but nope. It was a giant free for all with all of the DPS 8th graders present. I could feel and smell the awkwardness of 8th grade! My experience today was exactly like it was when I worked for College in Colorado. Not that I didn't love it, and actually at first I thought I missed it, but as the day progressed and as these kids cared less and less about their future, I lost patience and hope and had to rethink things.

I don't know what it was about us but when we would ask kids, "So, you want to be a lawyer?" Some literally took off running! Actually, a lot of kids did that. I wondered if it was because we were the only graduate program there and the thought of going to college for 7-8 years was not appealing to a 12 year old. I mean, they are 8th graders! They still have to go through 4 years of high school and then 4-5 years of college, heck maybe even 8 years of college, THEN they might go to law school. So in a way I can't blame them for running away from me like that. It got to the point where I would tell students "This is the LAW SCHOOL table, if you are looking for DU campus, they are to the left. Do you want to be a lawyer?" Then the reply was no and they'd run off to go look at the Rockies table.

I do miss working with kids and engaging them to do the very best they can do and to reach for their dreams, but I got discouraged with some of them because they just don't care. How do you make them care? How do we make education relevant and how do we inspire them? There was one boy who kept trying to pick a fight with anyone he ran into. I quickly climbed over the table to stop his bullying and tried to break up his little group of micro-villains. I saw him walk away as he persistently tried to pick more fights. I couldn't help but wonder what this poor lil guy was going through at home and in his personal life and at that moment I just wanted to hug him and follow him and tell him that I cared about what he did and his future. I knew that was unrealistic as he would probably yell "Stranger Danger" as I hugged him and cried for his salvation.
I suppose in a way I realized that I miss working with youth, but it has to be in a different capacity. I left thinking of how I could bridge my legal training and my passion for youth. I'm researching programs and I'll see what I can come up with, but I plan to do it. Watch and see.


I came home and decided to go for a bike ride as I visited a friend at UCD. Today was absolutely beautiful in Colorado and I know that soon the snow will hit and my Bianchi and I will not be able to ride for awhile. Plus, the anxiety of finding out about Mando's position is driving me absolutely nuts. My Bianchi relaxes me. (As a sidenote, if you don't know about Coloradoans and their bicycles, you should probably learn now that they are like pets to us. Sometimes, as in my case, they are worth more than my car. Plus you can't get parking tickets on your bike!!!! grrr)

So off I went on a nice afternoon autumn ride. I rode to where the Cherry Creek meets the Platte River and decided to watch a group of little boys swim, but not in like a dirty old man kind of way. I stopped because:
  1. I wanted to tell them not to swallow the water due to the high levels of ecoli;
  2. I thought one of them might hit their head and float down the river and then I'd have to jump in and save him; and
  3. I just enjoyed their freedom and joy.
I didn't want to yell to them to not drink the water because they were having so much fun, so I waited until they came to my side, then I told one of them "don't drink the water ok?" Much to my surprise he said "Oh, we know!' That made my heart warm because they would be a little bit safer. I sat there and watched them play and reminded myself to be calm and to relax and to enjoy the little things in life. In that moment, the little boys were enjoying each other, a beautiful warm October day, and the water! I loved it.

After they left, I decided this would be a perfect time to try and meditate and release more good energy into the universe and to tell my brain to shutup. I put on my pandora Deepak Chopra mediation music and BAM! I started to calm my mind. I told it nicely to shutup, breathe and to let the universe have its way. I think my mind stayed quiet for about 3 minutes, then a bug slammed straight first into my mouth as I exhaled. I coughed, swallowed the stupid bug and tried again. This time I stayed still for about 4 minutes. Then my butt hurt from the hard rock I was sitting on. I readjusted and tried again. Success, 6 minutes without moving or talking. Then I got cold and decided to head back. Before I got up, I stretched a little, rocked my head back and forth and sat there watching the water go by and watched as people strolled by and stopped to check out the creek. I stood up feeling relaxed and calm and proud of myself for semi-meditating.

I got on my bike, clipped my left peddle in and started to ride. My dumb ass forgets to shift up so that I can start at a lighter shift, and it was still on a lower shift from the way in. I tried to get my right foot to clip in and just when I thought I had it in, I stood up to gain speed and WHAP! My right foot slipped and I hit straight down on my ballgina!! Holy hell that hurt!! At that point, I could forget about any meditation and relaxation because I was so mad and in so much pain, that I forgot about all the wonderfulness I had just experienced. I cursed at my Bianchi and my stupid right peddle and the stupid shift and my stupid ballgina and the world really. Goodbye positive energy and hello angry ballgina rant!

I pulled myself together as I was in a busy bicycle intersection and it was almost 5pm which meant that the bike traffic was about to begin. So again, I had to pick up my pride and ride home with an ache. I was also mad that I got home so late but given the situation, I'm glad I made it home at all.

In retrospect, it was a good and beautiful day. Aside from the ballgina incident, I started thinking of how to engage youth into the legal profession without having them be scared of us. Plus we need more underrepresented students in law school. I volunteer with DU Law because I want them to see that there are brown caramel faces in law school and that they will be supported. Hopefully those 8 kids who wanted to be lawyers felt more compelled and excited to become attorneys some days. I would tell them "I can't wait to see you at the law school!" I hope they believed me. ;)

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The Waiting Game 

Tuesday, October 19, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 12:39 PM

Mando returned yesterday from his NYC interview. It went very well and he felt great during and after the interview. They told him they would get back to him soon, maybe this week or next week. J So now we wait and wait and wait… which, as you know, I hate waiting and I have no patience.

I still can't sleep right and I don't think I will be able to until we find out what is going on. We had a great conversation today at lunch and I asked him what his plan was if he didn't get this job. He told me that he's spent a lot of time thinking about it and he's not sure he will continue to pursue NYC if this doesn't come through. Not because he's giving up but because he's not sure if he will find another opportunity like this one that bridges his educational background and passion for art and youth engagement. I'm not sure what will happen but I hope that we will find out by the end of the week just so I can sleep again.

When I do sleep, I have the weirdest dreams. The other night I dreamt of the Terminator (Ahnold) and that he was chasing me and I was trying to hide from him. On top of that, I was trying to escape on a slow moped that was shaped like a couch, and somewhere in all that Cloverfield appeared and was trying to destroy whatever imaginary city I lived in. Weird right? I know.

On another note, I have an interview Thursday for a Program Attorney position with Womenslaw.org. I am actually super excited about it because they are a project by the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV). I have done tons of work with battered and abused immigrant women and young ladies. I enjoy doing that work and in this position, I would be providing resources to the Latina community and attorneys. It excites me because it is an attorney position and not just an organizer or barista position. It's actually related to my degree and that makes my heart all warm like a conchita (esponja) from Panaderia Rosales in north Denver. (Speaking of those.. I need one today.)

I've done my research on them and I think what they provide to the community is invaluable and I'd like to be a part of their organization (if they'll have me). Although, now I am hoping they pay comparable to what I earn at NPS.

So, in conclusion, we must wait. I'm in an awkward position because I don't want to get our hopes up but at the same time I don't want to give up. I know how bad he wants this position and I am praying everyday that he gets the opportunity to show them how amazing he truly is.

Un abrazo- j


 

p.s. Shout out to the Wolf Pack for a fabulous dinner night. I miss you ladies and love you dearly. xoxo

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Send your positive energy to the universe 

Sunday, October 17, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:09 PM

Tomorrow 10.18.10 is a big day for us. It's an important day for the love of my life to go out there and literally show an amazing organization, why he's the perfect man for the job.

My honnie and i have an amazing connection and we both share an extraordinary desire to succeed, change the world and help others. He is brilliant. He is phenomenally gifted in art and engagement, and he is the perfect person for this position.

I've told him that if anything else, he should feel honored to have interviewed for this organization. And he does, that's why i love him.

Amor- you are the highlight of my life and i know you will be fantastic. i'm thinking of you from now until you come home. hit em with your greatness, eloquence and passion for arts, youth and engagement. i stand alongside you to support you. always. buenas noches y que duermas con los angelitos.

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Bologne & Bullying... whats the connection? 

Friday, October 15, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 4:05 PM

The recent multiple suicides of gay teens have upset me badly and have hurt me to my core. It makes me upset to believe that someone can be so cruel to another person, and they do so by dehumanizing them and making them feel less than.

I started to think back to my time in college, high school, middle school, elementary school... all the way back when, and I asked myself if I had ever made someone feel like that. And to be honest, only once during high school did I act like a total "beesh" mean girl to somebody, and I hope to one day tell that person how sorry I truly am. It wasn't anything major like what we are seeing today, but it was mean and unnecessary and I immediately felt ashamed. I'll never know how I made her feel but I hope she knows that I truly felt bad for doing so, and have felt bad ever since. So to Tamara P. who went to JFK High School, Class of 2001 (woot woot) I am sorry for being a jerk to you for that one moment. I hated myself for getting carried away with it and I am truly sorry.

Now what does that have to do with bologna? Lots actually. I was bullied alot in elementary school for being a "Mexican" and a "School girl." I never really resented the school girl part because I was. I was a total brown nosing, abc loving, homework on time, perfect attendance school girl and proud of it. In first grade, I was taunted constantly by two girls, Star and Araceli for being a school girl and for being Mexican. They would constantly make fun of my tin foil wrapped burrito lunches and because of my name. Teachers would mispronounce my name and these girls would giggle their faces off. Although, looking back, it's not like their names were fantastic either, but for some reason, they made me hate mine. I hated my stupid bean and cheese burrito sack lunches and I hated my "Mexican" name. I came home one extremely upset at my parents for giving me such a stupid name and I told my mother and grandmother, "Ya no me quiero llamar Jazmin! Me quiero llamar Bologna!" (Translation: "I don't want to be called Jazmin! I want to be called Bologna.) Best part is that I pronounced it Ball-logg-nah. Needless to say, they both laughed at me and told me I had a beautiful name and that Balogna was not pretty, in any culture.

My dad came home and learned of my determination to change my name and told me that Jazmin is a beautiful flower, and that I shouldn't pay attention to people making fun of my name because they were sad to have plain names like Star and Kelly. That night, my first grade self poured my heart out to my dad as I told him of how they made fun of my burritos and my tin foil wrapping. He told me they would make me sandwiches, but that I would be right back to burritos after I tried one for lunch. Sure enough, I only lasted one day with a sandwich because I thought it was nasty! So I went back to my burritos and I slowly forgot about how those stupid girls made me feel.

As for being a school girl, well hell, that doesn't bother me at all because most of the people who made fun of me for being one are either pregnant with their 8th kid, homeless, unemployed or just plain wack! I know this is mean, but it's really not that far off. I am now on my way to being a successful attorney and life is good. I am still a school girl and if I could do it all over again, I would still be a nerdy school girl!

I probably will not name my kids bologna, but they will have some embarrassing name like Citlali or Atziri because they will be unique little school girls or boys. Like all the videos have said, it does get better.

This was my favorite video by Councilman Joel Burns of Fort Worth, Texas. And all this time I thought Texans didn't have hearts... :) i kid, i kid.

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Excellent Day! 

Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:53 PM
“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”-- e.e. cummings the homie


Yesterday was a truly amazing and excellent day. As i said earlier, everyone at our work knows that we are trying to move to NYC. Everyone is excited and supportive. The Director of our agency (an amazing women) calmed my soul by allowing me to stay with the NPS but in New York, at least until January. She is truly a blessing and so is the staff at DSC. This made my day and it allowed me to relax a little bit knowing that if we move to NYC i have a job.

So now we wait and hope that mando does well on Monday.

This post is short but i promise i have some entertaining ones on the way. Especially my thoughts on the whole bullying situation.

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I started eating baby carrots again.. 

Wednesday, October 13, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:05 AM



If you know about my near death experience with baby carrots, then you are probably cracking up about it right now. For those of you who don't know, I will fill you in.

In my last semester of law school, I was driving late to class as usual because I had just left work. I was in one of those "i'm going to eat healthy all the time" modes and had packed a snack pack of baby carrots in my purse so that I could eat them on my way to class.

The University of Denver campus has the worse public parking problems ever and I was looking for a spot close to the law school (because i was running late). Much to my surprise I found a spot a block away and proceeded to park. Apparently I couldn't focus on parking and eating at the same time and I was settling into my spot, I inhaled bits of baby carrrots and I could feel as it got lodged in my throat and I am pretty sure my lungs as well. The good thing was that I had already parked, so that was secure.

I started coughing and gagging trying to release the chunks of baby carrots lodged in my throat! I was still buckled in (for safety of course) and began to pound my chest and prepared to make the universal symbol (to the right) for "HELP I'M CHOKING" to the people who were walking by watching me beat the crap out of myself. During this time, I realized that I probably needed to get out of the car and thrust myself upon the hood to try and dislodge the carrots, but before I could get out, I felt this weird sensation as my body started to gag itself and I started to heave. Within seconds and without warning, baby carrot projectiles flew out of my mouth and all over the dashboard, passenger seat and cup holders of my car. Imagine the scene from The Exorcist when the little possessed girls vomits all over the priest. That was me, but with carrots and without the devil. It looked as if I had grated carrots then dumped them in my car. Much to the horror of the folks watching, I cleaned up the dashboard as fast I could (remember 'i'm late to class!), lucky for me when I vomitted the carrots I managed to catch some of the carrot bits into my car trashcan so there wasn't much left to do except wipe down the dirty parts and throw away my floor carpets and my dignity.
I walked out of my car like a champ and a huge smile of embarrassment and gratitude on my face as I waved to the people and said "I'm fine! Thank you!" Then I rushed off to class proud of myself for not dying in my car and feeling extremely happy that I was alive.

Now, I know this story probably wouldn't get picked up by the show "I shouldn't be alive" but I wanted to share it to put a smile on your face. :) Don't take things for granted because you never know when you are going to choke on a baby carrot. :) hee hee.

On a different note, I can't sleep again because I am so frigging anxious about Armando's interview next week. I am so stressed out that I am breaking out and even got a cold sore about it. :( boo. I know things will work out but I can't help but get excited and nervous that by this time next week, we might know if we are moving to NYC! We've already told our boss at work and I feel that it was one of the last pieces of the puzzle for everything to come together. They even said they might be able to transfer me to the Northeast Region! That would be great because I still can't find a job and I could take the bar with my mind at ease.

Speaking of the stupid bar, I received my bill for my Bar Prep course today ($2291! yikes!) that I have to pay by December 1st. And to make matters worse, they already gave me a date to report to prep classes! Aaah! It's alot to handle right now and it's coming all at once! I also need ot register for the Ethics portion of the exam which takes place Nov. 6th in Colorado. Holy canoli. Hold on to your hats because it is going to be a whirlwind of a ride from here til the end of the month. Either way, we'll be fine, but this is a bit nuts.

Regardless, my goal for this week is not choke on baby carrots again. Enjoy your day!

Besos-

xoxo


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