Holy hell, this fresh hell is almost over. 10 days and counting. It all seems to be flying by and the days no longer make sense. lol. I don't know what day it is, EVER, and I go into the law school in the morning and leave at midnight wondering what the hell happened to the last 12 hours of my day!

Yesterday was my first big defeat on myself. For some reason, I felt fine, and out of nowhere, I felt like I got hit by a giant dumptruck full of doubt and a sense of impossibility. I had been working on a few essays and I got frustrated because I couldn't remember basic rules and I wasn't articulating them in my writing. I got upset that one task seems to take me 3-4 hours and I felt like I wasn't being productive.

Then I started thinking of all the things I still had left to review in 10 days and how much I still had to memorize and all of sudden I was in tears. I decided that I was done for the night, needed to sleep and get back on it tomorrow. I decided to let myself feel miserable at that moment, to embrace it, sleep on it, then wake up and move on.

I haven't been sleeping well, so some nights I get 4 hours of sleep some nights I get 5. So I believe that plays a factor. I slept well last night, slept in a little then decided I would swim before I started studying to clear my body and mind. But THANK YOU HARLEM RIVERSIDE PARK for selling me A STUPID SWIM PASS that can only be used in the buttcrack of dawn or 6-8:30pm. You can't come in for open swim, you have to pay extra. WHO DOES THAT?? WHY WOULD THAT MAKE SENSE? I JUST PAID $30 TO SWIM!

Yes, this was my demeanor, and I was nicely and promptly escorted from the pool premises and didn't get to swim. :) Yup. I lost it. I had to. I know it's probably not their fault, but seriously... I just paid you $30 for a lap swim pass and you want to charge me to enter to swim, again? Really? I love Harlem, but it's inefficiency kills me.

I also miss my hubs, he's been gone for a week and I feel lonelier than ever in NYC. :( He's learning so many amazing things and I know he's going to come back refreshed and feeling alive to start working on his life mission... whatever that might be upon his return. lol :)

Anyways... 10 more days, I will keep pushing on. I know this will be my greatest battle and I have no plans on coming back this way again. :) Good luck to the rest of the bar takers. Give it hell.