No Time to Waste 

Sunday, October 31, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 4:19 PM

I have come to the reality that I only have 12 frantic days left in Colorado. I don't know how I am going to get it all done, but I imagine I will. This is kinda difficult timing as I take my MPRE (Ethics) exam this Saturday, so this week I will be studying, packing and working at the same time! I feel calm for the most part and I can finally sleep because I am usually exhausted by the end of the day. J More great news is that I haven't started to eat my emotions yet. (Yet is the keyword!)

I also have to tell you that somewhere around my home is a mouse that is somehow slightly deformed and possibly not dead. You see, it hit the trap and SURVIVED! I told you these are like ninja-israeli trained mice! I secretly think that this is why I can't sleep. I think that he is hiding somewhere in my house just waiting for me to fall asleep so he can eat my face or dump poison down my throat. Just the thought of it freaks me out. And then I thought about all the mice we've killed and how bad I felt because I wondered if there were ghost mice haunting the house and that is the pitter-patter I hear sometimes upstairs. I don't know. My BFF Daniela recommended a much more humane approach to the killing. She recommended that I capture them in a humane trap, then take them down to the Cherry Creek and drown them. J She's an idiot, and plus, that would be much worse for me.

Ever since I was a child, I've always had this ridiculous fear of revenge by small animals or inanimate objects like Barbies and dolls. When I was younger I would go to my grandmother's ranch in Parral, Chihuahua where I would play ALL DAY in the fields and the mountains with my cousins. There were these horrific brown toads all over the hills that made them look like rocks. My cousins would tell me to never step on a frog or else it would find me in the middle of the night and pee in my mouth. Sure enough, one day I stepped on that ugly sonofa..., and that whole night I was petrified! I swear to this day that I heard their footsteps as they crept closer to my bed, but I didn't think they could climb up, which was a huge relief. Although, I guess they could've jumped if they wanted to. Another fear that was instilled me since I was a little girl, was to not play with your dolls after the sun went down. My cousins told me that if you did, they would come to life and scare you in the middle of the night. I was never much of a doll player, but my sister was and I would get nervous as the sun started to set, and she was still playing with her stupid dolls. So, as the sun set, I grabbed all her dolls; duct taped or tied them up and I threw them on top of the closet shelf; closed the door and placed a chair in front of the door with books stacked on top of it. This strategy worked for me since I never got attacked by those stupid dolls.

Wish me luck as I pack up, I hope that I don't find the zombie mouse somewhere behind the couch or in a shoe. GROSS!!

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i love him 

Thursday, October 28, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 8:42 PM
I just found him and Shazammed him. I'm in love. Check him out. And if you already knew about him, then you are that much cooler than i am. I had a better post but then I took a shot of patron, tylenol pm, and sleepy time tea, so I am slowly losing consciousness and logic. Just kidding, I only took tylenol pm and sleepytime tea. :) No patron. That's for Saturday, which by the way, I still don't know what to be. boo.

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These Lights Will Make You Feel Brand New.... 

Wednesday, October 27, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 2:28 PM


The adventure is just beginning and I am excited to carry you all along with me I take on this new venture in my life. I must admit, I never thought I would live outside of Denver (except Mexico) but now that it's happening, I am truly excited. Nervous and excited. Woke up a bit sick today and I am not sure if its because I ate White Folk chile or if I am just so nervous that my stomach is acting up again. Either way, I had to stay home because of it. boo.

Super psyched to be leaving the mouse house and meeting their cousins the rats. Although, someone from New York needs to assure me that they don't come into your home. They are just in the streets.

We are starting to plan out the logistics of everything as this is moving very fast and we only have 2 1/2 weeks to get this done. We'll see what happens along the way and again thanks to all of you who helped us with your positive energy and thoughts. I will be posting later today but I just had to post this video because it gives me goosebumps. Or, at least, I hope that is what's giving me the goosebumps. ;)

ciao- quotablecards.com

(I need to give them a shoutout so they don't sue me. Plus, I really do love their cards.)

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Start Spreading the News… 

Tuesday, October 26, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:32 AM

I'll give you a hint and again, Maktub.

Thank you to everyone who offered a kind word, said a prayer, and sent out that positive energy for Mando and I. We felt the love from our family and our friends and we are eternally grateful to everyone who helped make this happen.
Thank you, gracias, guten tag, merci, thank you!
Armando has been offered the position at Urban Arts Partnership
and we will leave for NYC in less than 21 days.
We are scared, we are nervous, but we are so excited to start this adventure
and this next chapter of our lives.
This is just a true testament to the power of positive thinking and the power that preparation and opportunity have when they collide.
I will keep you informed in the next couple of days as to the madness that is about to ensue our lives, but I am thrilled and I am thankful that he has found his calling, passion and dream job. (Next to being my husband of course!) :)
Again, thank you for all the prayers and excitement.
it helped alot.

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Gratitude 

Monday, October 25, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:31 PM

When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude. Live and love each day.


it's amazing to me how life sometimes work out. Maktub.

Maktub is an alchemist term (arabic word) which literally means it is written. From mystical point of view, it points to the fact that whatever happens is already known to the One. It signifies that Destiny exists. It points finger to the fact that everything is already known to God.

I consider myself a catholic but I mostly talk to Our Lady of Guadalupe. I feel she's my homie and she grounds me in my life. I also feel that my grandmother is with me most of the time reminding me to press on and stay calm in life.

Yesterday, a dear friend of mine lost her stepmother and little brother in a fatal car accident. As I sat there and heard the news, I was surrounded by my loving mother, aunt, cousins and little sister. I took that moment to take in how blessed I was in my life, and although life sometimes throws your curveballs, it's always temporary. There are always defeats, but it is temporary.

Today, I was thinking of my friend all day and I found myself in such a difficult position in regards to me feelings and my thoughts. I was thinking of destiny and the direction my life was heading and how good I felt, but then I thought of her loss and wondered what the purpose was for that or why fate had worked out in that way. I got mad and felt an anger that I hadn't felt in a long time. The last time I felt this angry with life was when my grandmother got really sick. I couldn't understand why "God" would allow another human to suffer so much after all the love and worship she had provided to him all her life. I still can't really comprehend those questions and perhaps it's something that there is no answer to. Maybe in life there just mistakes as well. I don't know.

Point is that yesterday and today I took the time out of my crazy life to be grateful for all the beautiful and wonderful blessings and people in my life. You never know what can happen. Don't hold grudges. Forgive. You might get hit by a car or choke on a pickle, I don't know, but we need to be more grateful. I think gratitude is one of the most wonderful prayers you can say, and if all you say is "thank you" to someone every day, than you should be happy that you were able to be gracious in that moment. We are never to busy to be grateful, so I urge you that everyday, just stop for 5 seconds and give thanks to life for where you are now, for your family, for whatever you want. Just be grateful.

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The Hardest Thing a Girl Must Do... *sigh* 

Sunday, October 24, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 2:04 PM

I am happy to report that I did not pee my pants this weekend. At least not at the Haunted House.

So far today I have not been very productive. I don't know why I feel like I have to be productive as well on the weekends, but I do. I did wash the dishes so that is a plus, but now I am sitting here staring at the pile of clothes I need to fold. boo.

Saturday was much more productive as I started the laundry (which now sits before me) and I decided to try and get rid of old items. This is one of the hardest things women and girls everywhere face. Every year we look at our wardrobes, shoes, and bags and we must decide, which one of you are staying and which one of your are cut from the fashion and love lineup. I hate it. I pride myself in collecting the perfect shirts, shoes, handbags and to get rid of any of them is like cutting off a limb. Although, I need to be realistic because I have items and shoes that I have NEVER worn, and it's been like 5-7 years. There are even some items I bought that I thought I would make "cool" and that has never happened. Also, thanks to Daniela, I have to reconsider items that I know will make her laugh and pee her pants if she would see me wear them. I have a motto for this and it's called "WWDS: What Would Daniela Say." I have to think of this especially when I buy sandals because my long middle toe, AKA Darla, tends to get really excited and pop out of the sole of the shoe. Stupid Darla. Supposedly a lot of people from Juarez have a long middle toe because the Tarahumara have long middle toes so they can run fast and long distances. But I can do neither, so that is a lie. liars.

I started out with my purses and handbags. Dear Lord I love handbags. I realized that I buy the same type of style. I have 2 brown bags that are almost identical, and 2 black bags that are almost identical. Ridiculous. I also have the bags that every proud, self-loving Latina must have. They are the bags that are probably made from the shirts of women in Guatemala and woven by the indigenous communities of Chiapas. Otherwise known as our "Chicana" bags. I love them. I even have a giant Virgen de Guadalupe Straw handbag. I love it. My favorite ones are one that my BFF C-po got me in Peru and one that I bought when I had my store, Tonalli. I love them.

One big problem I encountered is that you can't get rid of any items that you have a sentimental attachment to. Unfortunately for me, I am sentimentally attached to everything I own. I think it is because when I was younger my family couldn't afford the super nice clothes that other kids wore, so my parents would give us hand me downs that my dad would get at work or find at work during his trash shifts. I didn't mind. My awesome mom always made us look like super stars. I had one Mickey Mouse shirt that had been torn in half, and my grandmother sewed up and for me it was as good as new. I think that it is for these reasons that I love my clothes and I pride myself on dressing well and in having the clothes that I want. In high school I couldn't afford Abercrombie and Fitch but I loved Polo and would find Polo stuff at Ross. I still love Ross. Sorry, I digress... the point is I LOVE MY STUFF!!

After almost 2 hours of deliberation on just my handbags ( I got rid of 5), I moved on to some of my clothes and shoes. Shoes I think are harder than the clothes, because I feel like if you get rid of one pair, you will regret it when you have the perfect outfit and then you realize that you donated the perfect shoes that would go with them. I sat there and after an hour of deliberation, I got rid of another 6 pairs of shoes. :( Mando wanted me to get rid of my Diesel shoes because I never wear them, but I can't because he bought those for me, and I am attached to them! :) Maybe in a few weeks I won't be but I can't seem to throw away anything he's bought me. Which in hindsight might be bad because I think these are the beginning characteristics of a baby packrat/hoarder. Hmm, I might have to reconsider those Diesel shoes.

At the end of the day, I got rid of two huge bags of items that I will take to our local Goodwill or thrift store, but my closet still looks huge. I am probably going to do this again next weekend. I hope that I can be better at saying goodbye then.

On another note: I hope to have good news tomorrow, but I am not sure. I have yet to hear back from that amazing 20 minute interview (boo) but we'll see what this week brings.

Enjoy this video of "Zapatos Viejos" by the amazing Gloria Trevi. She still reminds me of my sister.

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Haunted House = Me peeing my pants 

Friday, October 22, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:56 AM


Here's a fun fact about me. I secretly wish I could be a ghost hunter or a paranormal specialist. Anyone who loves me and knows me understands that this is a ridiculous passion of mine. I watch Ghost Hunters, Ghost Hunters International, Destination Truth, and Paranormal University. I love it. It makes me scared, but I love it. I think it all started with the television show Unsolved Mysteries. I loved that show! Although I was scared when the alien episodes would come up because for some reason I thought they would know that I was watching a show about them and want to abduct me to teach me a lesson. But my grandma told me they didn't abduct Mexicans, only Americans. That made me feel slightly better but I worried that they would think I was American because I lived in the US. I am happy to report I have never been abducted. Not that I know of at least. ooy.

As much as I love paranormal stuff, I really hate Haunted Houses. I know, it's a bit stupid, but it's the truth. It's similar to me loving cream cheese but I hate cheesecake. Weird right? I agreed to go to a Haunted Corn Maze tonight but I thought it was just a corn maze that you had to find your way out and life would be fun and giggly. I was wrong. I didn't think it was also a haunted house. I just figured those two are a bad combination because who wants to be walking around in a stupid corn maze knowing that there is some-thing out there. I don't. I hate the way people scare you and I can't help but think that some disgruntled and messed up mental person is going to dress up as a character but have a real chain saw. That would suck. That is why I hate haunted houses.

I also hate them because I scream my head off and I always have to go the bathroom right before I enter or else I am afraid I will pee myself. I'm not going to say its happened before, but I'm not going to say it hasn't happened either. I just don't appreciate that type of a scare. And I feel bad for the poor bastard I punch in the face for scaring me. On top of that, my nerves are shot from the anxiety and I have a vivid and wild imagination and I start thinking of Mel Gibson's movie where the aliens are in the corn fields and he's chasing them and then BAM! He sees a leg in the dark walk into the corn maze! OOOYYYYY!!



So, we'll see how tonight goes. I'll probably pee my pants and get embarrassed but at least I went. Truth be told, I'd probably freak out if I were to do a real paranormal event, but I think I would love it! I keep wanting to do one but I have yet to find a cool one. I tried to do a haunted denver tour once and it was kinda wack. I want a psychic to come with me and tell me what they feel when we walk into a creepy old building. That would be awesome.



Anyways, wish me luck. I'll let you know if I peed my pants. At this point I have no shame, so it's possible.


Happy Friday!

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Interview #2 out of application #20 

Thursday, October 21, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:47 PM
This quote is so true, unless you are the mice who hit our traps. sorry. you really can't handle that.

So, it seems that for every 10 resumes and cover letters I send out, I will get one interview. Hooray.
I interviewed today with womenslaw.org. They are an amazing organization that provides advocacy and resources for individuals who are dealing with sexual assault or domestic violence. I am excited because this is a Program Attorney position and it aligns with my passion for public interest work, advocacy and community organizing.

Earlier this week I spent some time researching (stalking) the organization and their leadership, and then today I prepared for an hour for the interview. I am a machine when it comes to preparing for interviews and I pride myself on my research and preparation. I even created sample scenarios that they might ask me, I looked up relevant cases that I already knew about but needed to refresh and I looked up any recent news articles about the organization and domestic violence. Surprisingly enough, October is considered Domestic Violence awareness month. This issues is one that is near and dear to my heart because 1 out of 4 women will be in a violent relationship. That breaks my heart as I read the statistics that more than 2.3 million women have been or are in a violent relationship. That is a ridiculous amount and I want to be a part of that solution.

The interview started off well and I think I did extremely well, but about 25 minutes into the interview, the nice lady said "Well that's all I have, any questions for me?" I was shocked. I've never had such a short interview and of course I had questions prepared because that's what I do, but 25 minutes!? What? I wanted to ask her to ask me more questions, shoot. I asked her my questions which bought me about another 10 minutes but that was it. She didn't sound like she ended it because I failed or said something about her mother, she just literally sounded like she ran out of things to ask me. It was awkward and I felt weird. I felt like I should tell her more but then what would I say?

After my questions, she told me they were still interviewing people and would get back to me for an in person, or a skype interview for me, if I made the second round. So, we'll keep playing this waiting game. In the meantime, I'll keep making my nyquil cocktails to get some sleep.
On another random note, we have mice. Not one, not two, not even three. 12. Yup. A gaggle of mice are running around behind the walls of my home and I am so grossed out by them. I feel bad killing them but I they need to die or else they will find their way back home. I keep thinking maybe they are anxious along with us so they want us to pack them in our stuff to NYC. It's not that we are dirty or hoarders, but our neighbors have pets and their hygiene is questionable. Especially the one that let's homeless people sleep in his home and enter at all hours of the night. So I don't get it.

Although I have to say, these are the most aggressive mice we have seen. They have chewed through the drywall 3 TIMES and even cross in front of me when I'm in the living room in broad daylight. One of them even had the audacity to rear its ugly head through the stove top. This continues to give me reasons why I shouldn't step foot in my kitchen or attempt to make dinner. I hate mice so much and it sucks that I hate killing them more. The worst ones are when you get the scarface ones that get their head smashed. Oh its awful, I can't even talk about it.

Well, today was a normal day, still no word, but I hope tomorrow brings news from the East. Hopefully I impressed that lady in 20 minutes so that I can at least get a call back because I think I would really like this job.

Have a wonderful day. xoxo

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Calm, Relaxation and BAM! 

Wednesday, October 20, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 6:27 PM


Today was an interesting day. It started out with me eating fried rice for breakfast and for dinner. Nice. I didn't go to work because I had committed to volunteering with my friend Elena at a DPS 8th grade chaotic career and school fair. I originally said yes because I thought we were going to be on a panel about being in law school or being lawyers, but nope. It was a giant free for all with all of the DPS 8th graders present. I could feel and smell the awkwardness of 8th grade! My experience today was exactly like it was when I worked for College in Colorado. Not that I didn't love it, and actually at first I thought I missed it, but as the day progressed and as these kids cared less and less about their future, I lost patience and hope and had to rethink things.

I don't know what it was about us but when we would ask kids, "So, you want to be a lawyer?" Some literally took off running! Actually, a lot of kids did that. I wondered if it was because we were the only graduate program there and the thought of going to college for 7-8 years was not appealing to a 12 year old. I mean, they are 8th graders! They still have to go through 4 years of high school and then 4-5 years of college, heck maybe even 8 years of college, THEN they might go to law school. So in a way I can't blame them for running away from me like that. It got to the point where I would tell students "This is the LAW SCHOOL table, if you are looking for DU campus, they are to the left. Do you want to be a lawyer?" Then the reply was no and they'd run off to go look at the Rockies table.

I do miss working with kids and engaging them to do the very best they can do and to reach for their dreams, but I got discouraged with some of them because they just don't care. How do you make them care? How do we make education relevant and how do we inspire them? There was one boy who kept trying to pick a fight with anyone he ran into. I quickly climbed over the table to stop his bullying and tried to break up his little group of micro-villains. I saw him walk away as he persistently tried to pick more fights. I couldn't help but wonder what this poor lil guy was going through at home and in his personal life and at that moment I just wanted to hug him and follow him and tell him that I cared about what he did and his future. I knew that was unrealistic as he would probably yell "Stranger Danger" as I hugged him and cried for his salvation.
I suppose in a way I realized that I miss working with youth, but it has to be in a different capacity. I left thinking of how I could bridge my legal training and my passion for youth. I'm researching programs and I'll see what I can come up with, but I plan to do it. Watch and see.


I came home and decided to go for a bike ride as I visited a friend at UCD. Today was absolutely beautiful in Colorado and I know that soon the snow will hit and my Bianchi and I will not be able to ride for awhile. Plus, the anxiety of finding out about Mando's position is driving me absolutely nuts. My Bianchi relaxes me. (As a sidenote, if you don't know about Coloradoans and their bicycles, you should probably learn now that they are like pets to us. Sometimes, as in my case, they are worth more than my car. Plus you can't get parking tickets on your bike!!!! grrr)

So off I went on a nice afternoon autumn ride. I rode to where the Cherry Creek meets the Platte River and decided to watch a group of little boys swim, but not in like a dirty old man kind of way. I stopped because:
  1. I wanted to tell them not to swallow the water due to the high levels of ecoli;
  2. I thought one of them might hit their head and float down the river and then I'd have to jump in and save him; and
  3. I just enjoyed their freedom and joy.
I didn't want to yell to them to not drink the water because they were having so much fun, so I waited until they came to my side, then I told one of them "don't drink the water ok?" Much to my surprise he said "Oh, we know!' That made my heart warm because they would be a little bit safer. I sat there and watched them play and reminded myself to be calm and to relax and to enjoy the little things in life. In that moment, the little boys were enjoying each other, a beautiful warm October day, and the water! I loved it.

After they left, I decided this would be a perfect time to try and meditate and release more good energy into the universe and to tell my brain to shutup. I put on my pandora Deepak Chopra mediation music and BAM! I started to calm my mind. I told it nicely to shutup, breathe and to let the universe have its way. I think my mind stayed quiet for about 3 minutes, then a bug slammed straight first into my mouth as I exhaled. I coughed, swallowed the stupid bug and tried again. This time I stayed still for about 4 minutes. Then my butt hurt from the hard rock I was sitting on. I readjusted and tried again. Success, 6 minutes without moving or talking. Then I got cold and decided to head back. Before I got up, I stretched a little, rocked my head back and forth and sat there watching the water go by and watched as people strolled by and stopped to check out the creek. I stood up feeling relaxed and calm and proud of myself for semi-meditating.

I got on my bike, clipped my left peddle in and started to ride. My dumb ass forgets to shift up so that I can start at a lighter shift, and it was still on a lower shift from the way in. I tried to get my right foot to clip in and just when I thought I had it in, I stood up to gain speed and WHAP! My right foot slipped and I hit straight down on my ballgina!! Holy hell that hurt!! At that point, I could forget about any meditation and relaxation because I was so mad and in so much pain, that I forgot about all the wonderfulness I had just experienced. I cursed at my Bianchi and my stupid right peddle and the stupid shift and my stupid ballgina and the world really. Goodbye positive energy and hello angry ballgina rant!

I pulled myself together as I was in a busy bicycle intersection and it was almost 5pm which meant that the bike traffic was about to begin. So again, I had to pick up my pride and ride home with an ache. I was also mad that I got home so late but given the situation, I'm glad I made it home at all.

In retrospect, it was a good and beautiful day. Aside from the ballgina incident, I started thinking of how to engage youth into the legal profession without having them be scared of us. Plus we need more underrepresented students in law school. I volunteer with DU Law because I want them to see that there are brown caramel faces in law school and that they will be supported. Hopefully those 8 kids who wanted to be lawyers felt more compelled and excited to become attorneys some days. I would tell them "I can't wait to see you at the law school!" I hope they believed me. ;)

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The Waiting Game 

Tuesday, October 19, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 12:39 PM

Mando returned yesterday from his NYC interview. It went very well and he felt great during and after the interview. They told him they would get back to him soon, maybe this week or next week. J So now we wait and wait and wait… which, as you know, I hate waiting and I have no patience.

I still can't sleep right and I don't think I will be able to until we find out what is going on. We had a great conversation today at lunch and I asked him what his plan was if he didn't get this job. He told me that he's spent a lot of time thinking about it and he's not sure he will continue to pursue NYC if this doesn't come through. Not because he's giving up but because he's not sure if he will find another opportunity like this one that bridges his educational background and passion for art and youth engagement. I'm not sure what will happen but I hope that we will find out by the end of the week just so I can sleep again.

When I do sleep, I have the weirdest dreams. The other night I dreamt of the Terminator (Ahnold) and that he was chasing me and I was trying to hide from him. On top of that, I was trying to escape on a slow moped that was shaped like a couch, and somewhere in all that Cloverfield appeared and was trying to destroy whatever imaginary city I lived in. Weird right? I know.

On another note, I have an interview Thursday for a Program Attorney position with Womenslaw.org. I am actually super excited about it because they are a project by the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV). I have done tons of work with battered and abused immigrant women and young ladies. I enjoy doing that work and in this position, I would be providing resources to the Latina community and attorneys. It excites me because it is an attorney position and not just an organizer or barista position. It's actually related to my degree and that makes my heart all warm like a conchita (esponja) from Panaderia Rosales in north Denver. (Speaking of those.. I need one today.)

I've done my research on them and I think what they provide to the community is invaluable and I'd like to be a part of their organization (if they'll have me). Although, now I am hoping they pay comparable to what I earn at NPS.

So, in conclusion, we must wait. I'm in an awkward position because I don't want to get our hopes up but at the same time I don't want to give up. I know how bad he wants this position and I am praying everyday that he gets the opportunity to show them how amazing he truly is.

Un abrazo- j


 

p.s. Shout out to the Wolf Pack for a fabulous dinner night. I miss you ladies and love you dearly. xoxo

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Send your positive energy to the universe 

Sunday, October 17, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:09 PM

Tomorrow 10.18.10 is a big day for us. It's an important day for the love of my life to go out there and literally show an amazing organization, why he's the perfect man for the job.

My honnie and i have an amazing connection and we both share an extraordinary desire to succeed, change the world and help others. He is brilliant. He is phenomenally gifted in art and engagement, and he is the perfect person for this position.

I've told him that if anything else, he should feel honored to have interviewed for this organization. And he does, that's why i love him.

Amor- you are the highlight of my life and i know you will be fantastic. i'm thinking of you from now until you come home. hit em with your greatness, eloquence and passion for arts, youth and engagement. i stand alongside you to support you. always. buenas noches y que duermas con los angelitos.

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Bologne & Bullying... whats the connection? 

Friday, October 15, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 4:05 PM

The recent multiple suicides of gay teens have upset me badly and have hurt me to my core. It makes me upset to believe that someone can be so cruel to another person, and they do so by dehumanizing them and making them feel less than.

I started to think back to my time in college, high school, middle school, elementary school... all the way back when, and I asked myself if I had ever made someone feel like that. And to be honest, only once during high school did I act like a total "beesh" mean girl to somebody, and I hope to one day tell that person how sorry I truly am. It wasn't anything major like what we are seeing today, but it was mean and unnecessary and I immediately felt ashamed. I'll never know how I made her feel but I hope she knows that I truly felt bad for doing so, and have felt bad ever since. So to Tamara P. who went to JFK High School, Class of 2001 (woot woot) I am sorry for being a jerk to you for that one moment. I hated myself for getting carried away with it and I am truly sorry.

Now what does that have to do with bologna? Lots actually. I was bullied alot in elementary school for being a "Mexican" and a "School girl." I never really resented the school girl part because I was. I was a total brown nosing, abc loving, homework on time, perfect attendance school girl and proud of it. In first grade, I was taunted constantly by two girls, Star and Araceli for being a school girl and for being Mexican. They would constantly make fun of my tin foil wrapped burrito lunches and because of my name. Teachers would mispronounce my name and these girls would giggle their faces off. Although, looking back, it's not like their names were fantastic either, but for some reason, they made me hate mine. I hated my stupid bean and cheese burrito sack lunches and I hated my "Mexican" name. I came home one extremely upset at my parents for giving me such a stupid name and I told my mother and grandmother, "Ya no me quiero llamar Jazmin! Me quiero llamar Bologna!" (Translation: "I don't want to be called Jazmin! I want to be called Bologna.) Best part is that I pronounced it Ball-logg-nah. Needless to say, they both laughed at me and told me I had a beautiful name and that Balogna was not pretty, in any culture.

My dad came home and learned of my determination to change my name and told me that Jazmin is a beautiful flower, and that I shouldn't pay attention to people making fun of my name because they were sad to have plain names like Star and Kelly. That night, my first grade self poured my heart out to my dad as I told him of how they made fun of my burritos and my tin foil wrapping. He told me they would make me sandwiches, but that I would be right back to burritos after I tried one for lunch. Sure enough, I only lasted one day with a sandwich because I thought it was nasty! So I went back to my burritos and I slowly forgot about how those stupid girls made me feel.

As for being a school girl, well hell, that doesn't bother me at all because most of the people who made fun of me for being one are either pregnant with their 8th kid, homeless, unemployed or just plain wack! I know this is mean, but it's really not that far off. I am now on my way to being a successful attorney and life is good. I am still a school girl and if I could do it all over again, I would still be a nerdy school girl!

I probably will not name my kids bologna, but they will have some embarrassing name like Citlali or Atziri because they will be unique little school girls or boys. Like all the videos have said, it does get better.

This was my favorite video by Councilman Joel Burns of Fort Worth, Texas. And all this time I thought Texans didn't have hearts... :) i kid, i kid.

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Excellent Day! 

Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:53 PM
“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”-- e.e. cummings the homie


Yesterday was a truly amazing and excellent day. As i said earlier, everyone at our work knows that we are trying to move to NYC. Everyone is excited and supportive. The Director of our agency (an amazing women) calmed my soul by allowing me to stay with the NPS but in New York, at least until January. She is truly a blessing and so is the staff at DSC. This made my day and it allowed me to relax a little bit knowing that if we move to NYC i have a job.

So now we wait and hope that mando does well on Monday.

This post is short but i promise i have some entertaining ones on the way. Especially my thoughts on the whole bullying situation.

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I started eating baby carrots again.. 

Wednesday, October 13, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:05 AM



If you know about my near death experience with baby carrots, then you are probably cracking up about it right now. For those of you who don't know, I will fill you in.

In my last semester of law school, I was driving late to class as usual because I had just left work. I was in one of those "i'm going to eat healthy all the time" modes and had packed a snack pack of baby carrots in my purse so that I could eat them on my way to class.

The University of Denver campus has the worse public parking problems ever and I was looking for a spot close to the law school (because i was running late). Much to my surprise I found a spot a block away and proceeded to park. Apparently I couldn't focus on parking and eating at the same time and I was settling into my spot, I inhaled bits of baby carrrots and I could feel as it got lodged in my throat and I am pretty sure my lungs as well. The good thing was that I had already parked, so that was secure.

I started coughing and gagging trying to release the chunks of baby carrots lodged in my throat! I was still buckled in (for safety of course) and began to pound my chest and prepared to make the universal symbol (to the right) for "HELP I'M CHOKING" to the people who were walking by watching me beat the crap out of myself. During this time, I realized that I probably needed to get out of the car and thrust myself upon the hood to try and dislodge the carrots, but before I could get out, I felt this weird sensation as my body started to gag itself and I started to heave. Within seconds and without warning, baby carrot projectiles flew out of my mouth and all over the dashboard, passenger seat and cup holders of my car. Imagine the scene from The Exorcist when the little possessed girls vomits all over the priest. That was me, but with carrots and without the devil. It looked as if I had grated carrots then dumped them in my car. Much to the horror of the folks watching, I cleaned up the dashboard as fast I could (remember 'i'm late to class!), lucky for me when I vomitted the carrots I managed to catch some of the carrot bits into my car trashcan so there wasn't much left to do except wipe down the dirty parts and throw away my floor carpets and my dignity.
I walked out of my car like a champ and a huge smile of embarrassment and gratitude on my face as I waved to the people and said "I'm fine! Thank you!" Then I rushed off to class proud of myself for not dying in my car and feeling extremely happy that I was alive.

Now, I know this story probably wouldn't get picked up by the show "I shouldn't be alive" but I wanted to share it to put a smile on your face. :) Don't take things for granted because you never know when you are going to choke on a baby carrot. :) hee hee.

On a different note, I can't sleep again because I am so frigging anxious about Armando's interview next week. I am so stressed out that I am breaking out and even got a cold sore about it. :( boo. I know things will work out but I can't help but get excited and nervous that by this time next week, we might know if we are moving to NYC! We've already told our boss at work and I feel that it was one of the last pieces of the puzzle for everything to come together. They even said they might be able to transfer me to the Northeast Region! That would be great because I still can't find a job and I could take the bar with my mind at ease.

Speaking of the stupid bar, I received my bill for my Bar Prep course today ($2291! yikes!) that I have to pay by December 1st. And to make matters worse, they already gave me a date to report to prep classes! Aaah! It's alot to handle right now and it's coming all at once! I also need ot register for the Ethics portion of the exam which takes place Nov. 6th in Colorado. Holy canoli. Hold on to your hats because it is going to be a whirlwind of a ride from here til the end of the month. Either way, we'll be fine, but this is a bit nuts.

Regardless, my goal for this week is not choke on baby carrots again. Enjoy your day!

Besos-

xoxo


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I hate Sundays 

Sunday, October 10, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:13 PM

I hate Sundays because I usually have to work the next day and because I have to start all over at applying to fellowships and jobs in NYC. I get a bit anxious and it annoys me. Lucky for me tomorrow is Columbus day which means I don't have to go to work! woowoo!! Since it is Columbus day, I plan on entering a strangers home and tell him that it is now mine as I rub a blanket full of syphillus and chicken pox on them. It's going to be great. * i kid*

Today was an excellent day with the husband. We had breakfast with friends and then went out and did absolutely nothing, or as he put it, we pretended to shop. :) It was actually a great weekend full of family and friends, which makes it a perfect weekend for me. I got to hang out with BFF and with my lil sister (aka love muffin) all day on Saturday! Every time I hang out with my love muffin I get reminded to relax, chill, laugh and be silly. I secretly think she is my grandmother reincarnated.

As we were "pretend" shopping today, I asked myself a good question and I will ask you: "why do you shop?" Is it because:
  • it makes us feel good?
  • because that is why we work?
  • you like to show off?
  • you like new things?
  • you reward yourself?
  • you're bored?
  • you hate your life?
I don't know the answer and I am sure everyone has their reasons, but I am not sure why I do it. All I bought today was makeup and I didn't feel like buying anything else. Maybe its because I want these fantastic boots and I'm saving up for those. :) I don't know, I guess I just wanted to know why, as human beings, we go out and buy stuff.

On another note, today was 10.10.10! I was so excited for this day because I love spooky dates! The last time it was 10 10 10 was 1000 years ago! I googled the significance of this date and I am sad to report that there is absolutely nothing special about it (unless you live in Ashville, NCm then you have 10 shades of crazy there.) Nothing interesting happened 1000 years ago on a similar date.

Finally, we are preparing for Mando's next interview in NYC. We are starting to realize the gigantic impact this will have on us and are deciding to take it one day at a time. There is no need to start planning as if we are moving, because there is still a chance that we are not. (Although, why would they make us waste money on a flight if they weren't sure?) anyways, I won't allow my thoughts to go there. I'll keep applying and keep trying.

Although I have to say, that IF we do go, then I have a bunch of learning to do on how to cook some of my favorite things that my momma makes like menudo, pozole, gorditas, chile colorado, and pretty much everything... :(

Have a great week and remember to chase after your dreams like they stole your money.
besos

p.s. I have to share this video with you because it is exactly what my relationship is to my husband, and after a day like today, it reminds me of how much we have gone through and how strong our love is for one another. :) Careful, it could make you cry.

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It's hard out here for a pimp.. :) 

Friday, October 8, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 8:31 AM
Fail. Didn't get an interview with the Bronx Defenders of New York. But its ok. Life goes on. I only got one interview for the EJW conference in D.C. but I think I might cancel. As amazing as the opportunity is, I don't think we want to move to the bay area. I did speak with an EJW rep over email and he told me that over 200 people applied for every position. That's why I say, "its hard out here for a pimp." I am competing for entry level attorney positions with almost 200 applicants per position. That sucks. That makes it so much harder to stand out when they are going through so many applicants. It kinda depresses me a bit, but I just have to keep applying and know that the right position will come along for me. I just need to have patience and lots of it. Which is something I don't have. It's like the great Hova aka Jay-z said, "I have no patience, and I hate waiting..." :) That's me. (i'm just full of lyrics today.)

On a brighter note, mando got a second interview (call back) today with the Urban Arts Partnership in NYC! We are very excited and nervous as it is happening so fast. He interviewed by phone, after meeting them in person last week, then within 2 hours they asked if he would fly out, and he is! I am 90% sure that he got the job, which is FANTASTIC because this is his dream job. He has worked his whole life for a positioin like this one and its in the city of his dreams, NYC. I am so proud of him, but it makes my stomach hurt because that means we have to really start making plans to move. ooy.

We'll see what happens but by the end of the month, I am pretty sure we will know if we stay or if we go...

*keep your fingers crossed*

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Blame it on the Parents :) 

Wednesday, October 6, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 9:42 PM


This is my amazing family. Crazy as they may be, they are mine.

One of the most difficult aspects of making this "potential" move to NYC is our families. We love them so much, and leaving them hurts our hearts more than they know. But we know that it is a move that we need to try and make now. We don't own a house or children, just a beautiful dog that stays with his grandparents.

I blame them for wanting to move to NYC. Damn you for raising such ambitious children who want to go change the world and who don't have the willpower to give up on their dreams! Damn you for instilling a tenacity to achieve and succeed and make you proud! :)

Our families are everything to us and they are our anchors that hold us down when everything gets crazy. My two mothers (my mom and mando's mom) are my best friends. I talk to them about everything. My littlest sister is 4, and moving makes me sad and nervous that I will miss her growing up. I feel that I am a vital part of her life and she is a vital part of mine and she reminds me to let go of the mundane everyday adult world and play, explore, live, giggle and love. She's my muffin.

I am also going to miss out on my nephew growing up and my sister being a beautiful mama. That makes my heart hurt too and sometimes I have to wonder if we are being selfish in all of this. I think it is one of the reasons I get anxiety, because I've never been away from them. I've always been here and I've always been the rock in my family. I don't know what life would be like without them and it scares me.

Another issue is that eventually I am going to have kids and I want my babies to be around their family especially their abuelitos. I know mando's parents can't wait to be abuelitos and I feel guilty that we still don't have grandchildren for them. I also feel sad that if we do have kiddos out in NYC they will have to pay to fly out and visit and they won't be around them 24-7 like I envisioned.


I have to wonder if other mujeres face this problem or if other young latino professionals have to chose between a career and familia. I know mando's parents had to go through it when they decided to leave Tucson for Denver. They came years ago, and never returned. That is their for us, that we will never return. I know for a fact that will not happen to us because I couldn't raise kids or live in such a gigantic city forever. It's hard, I hope to balance both in this lifetime and I've met amazing latina attorneys this weekend that proved to me that it is possible.

I also want to make my family proud and I want to be a role model for my little love muffin and my little monster (nephew, see cuteness below)
I want to be successful in my career and make a difference in the lives of others. That is why I went to law school and that is a passion that my families have instilled in me. So I must balance both and stay true to my dreams and values.

Damn you for raising such a warrior. I blame that part on my beautiful grandmother because every endeavor I take on, I think of her telling me, "A toda madre mija!"

So here's to our families for raising such overachieving nerds. I love you so much.

Can't forget my Melinuska. :)

At some point, I will have to post about my friends, because they are my family too, and the thought of leaving my wolf pack and my pajea besties hurts me to my core. That's for later, I can only handle one emotional night at a time.

p.s. I told my dad about moving to NYC and he said exactly what I thought he would, "Que Chido!" love you dad and good luck running the Chicago Marathon. You are crazy and amazing and i love you.

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No Fellowship yet... But... 

Tuesday, October 5, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 9:53 PM


I started out the day with the hope that I might hear back from the Fried Frank Fellowship, and no it has nothing to do with hotdogs. *i wish*

By 9am I opened up my Equal Justice Works account and looked at my tabs. Only one interview accepted and then BAM! Next to Fried Frank Fellowship it said "Not Accepted." My heart sank because not only was it 9am, but also because I hate feeling like a loser so early in the morning. I really wanted this opportunity. I want to be a Fried Frank Fellow! This is why:

"Fried Frank has created unique programs that effectively bridge the worlds of private law firm litigation and public service law by joining with two of the country's leading civil rights advocacy organizations, the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, Inc. (LDF) and the Mexican-American Legal Defense and Educational Fund (MALDEF).

The LDF and MALDEF fellowships each give an entry-level lawyer the opportunity to spend two years as a Fried Frank litigator and then two years as a staff attorney with LDF or MALDEF. At the end of their four-year commitment, the successful Fellows are encouraged to interview to return to Fried Frank and, in some cases, they continue on the staff of their civil rights organization. They pride themselves that a number of their former Fellows hold high-level positions on the staffs of both LDF and MALDEF.

The ideal candidate for a Fried Frank Fellowship is a third-year law student or recent graduate currently in a judicial clerkship. Candidates for the MALDEF and LDF fellowships should have a genuine interest in both corporate and civil rights litigation."

This is my dream job. It's as if God made this just for me. I was totally bummed all day, feeling like a gigantic loser so I decided to do what I know cheers me up. I went sale shopping. That worked for now, but I also realized that I could possibly apply to the Fellowship on my own through the law firm. The deadline is November 1st, and I think I have a better chance at competing this time then through the EJW career fair.

I am really going to try my hardest again and try to receive this fellowship. My target has been set and now I will do everything in my power to win it. Today wasn't as awful as I thought it would be, it also helped that I literally tore my bedroom apart trying to get rid of dust mites so that my husband can stop wheezing and sneezing through the night. We had to buy hypo-allergenic everything!

Sorry, I digress... tomorrow I will send out my emails to request letters of recommendations from two of my professors in hopes that they will help me receive the Fried Frank Fellowship. This would truly be a dream come true.

Buenas noches....xoxo

Jaz

p.s. LatCrit is also in town and I am going to try to get off work so I can go volunteer and check out the panels!

p.p.s. I still haven't told my dad that I want to move to NYC. I must do that tomorrow. I think the universe has my application on hold until then... ay veremos! * wish me suerte*


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Back from NYC & New Haven! 

Monday, October 4, 2010 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 6:13 PM

I've spent the last 5 days in NYC and in New Haven! I went to attend the National Latino Law Student conference at Yale Law School. It was a good conference (aside from the smoke and mirrors) it went well! More than anything, I met amazing Latino law students and lawyers who are making a difference in the world and who are working hard to stand up and defend those who are silenced and ignored. I loved it.

I loved meeting people from all over the nation who have this amazing drive and energy not only to succeed but to really accomplish great things. The world better be careful because we are a force to be reckoned with!

I went to one interview while I was in NYC. I think it went well, but I left not knowing if I would hear back from them. This was by far, one of the hardest, most intense interviews I have ever done. They asked me about my organizing past and why I applied for an organizer position instead of the Staff Attorney position. I was honest and told them I didn't believe I qualified for the position because I have yet to take the bar. Then I was questioned on my intentions in applying for the position. I don't blame them, they must think that I just want this job so that I could move to NYC then leave them in a couple of months. I told them I planned to commit 2 years to the position if I was chosen. I felt that I made my intentions clear and that they understood and felt my passion for working with a public interest organization. But, at some point I think they felt I was overqualified.

So, at this point I am not sure what to think.... I did ask the Director if I was eligible for the Staff Attorney position but I have yet to hear back.

Tomorrow I hope to hear back from the Equal Justice Works employers. So far I have only heard back from a fellowship in California, but I don't want to go to Cali, I want to be in NYC. This weekend affirmed that in me. I realized that I could handle NYC and that I could survive, thrive and grow. We'll see what happens, I am looking for other internships and jobs in NYC so hopefully something comes through.

I'll keep you posted.

Paz xoxo
jaz

p.s. i saw this quote, and you know me with my inspirational quotes, i had to share it with everyone.

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