Nice Girls Finish Last 

Thursday, April 28, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 6:01 PM
"If you never chase your dreams, you'll never catch them"

I hope that one day I can look back at a day like today and say, "that was the moment that I knew I had to change my ways" or "from that day on, I never did that again."

I will not be attending the White House dinner after all, which is fine by me. I get it. Limited invitations, no tickets, etc. I understand. But what I can't seem to comprehend is how other "staff" will get to attend the White House briefing event, and I have to stay outside, while the entire team, except for me, gets to do nothing and head back to the hotel.

Plans changed today and now 2 additional staffers will assist with the White House briefing. I get to sit on a bus. Today was the last straw for me and I had to speak with my Director to ask him if I could at least attend the White House briefing. I will not get to see the Commission or the rest of the staff after that event. I told him that I've worked really hard on the project and that I will not be with the Commission or staff when they receive their certificates. I was professional and calm and I hope he will consider asking for permission to have me attend the White House briefing. I have to imagine that he can, if he was able to get the two additional staffers there. Again, I am not asking for recognition or acknowledgments or rewards. I want to to attend to finish out the project correctly and to say goodbye to everyone.

I learned today that I can no longer be such a hard worker without advocating for myself and for my needs and for what I believe in. I felt incredibly disheartened and upset by his announcement this afternoon and I didn't cry, because I knew that would get me no where, but I can't describe the pain I felt in my heart.

I've always been a hard worker and a team player, and my hard work on this project has always been so that the team can move ahead and so the Report and the Commission look as fantastic as possible. I work tirelessly so that it all appears to be flawless. I am 10 steps ahead of the process and at the same time, cleaning up after everyone and everything. I'm a team player, I always will be, but from here on out, I will stand up for myself and for what I deserve.

Nice girls finish last, and I refuse to finish last ever again. The last time I finished last, I was in 5th grade and it was during field day. I will not allow today to be another one of those days or moments in my life.

Even if nothing comes out of this, I stood up for myself.

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Scary Night 

Tuesday, April 26, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 7:33 PM

Around 1:30am last night, my sister called me.

I always know that when my sister calls me after 12pm, it's never good news! I picked up the phone and I could hear my sister rushing and almost start to cry. She said, "Jaz- Papi's in the hospital. He collapsed after complaining about pain in his kidneys and an ambulance is taking him to St. Josephs now!"

I asked if she knew what happened to him since I know he has high blood pressure and he had been complaining of chest pains a few months ago. Immediately, I thought he might have had a stroke, or heaven forbid a heart attack! My mind was racing, and I had a gazillion thoughts in my head. I thought that I might have to fly out in case it was serious, or that something bad was happening to him and that I couldn't be there. I was really upset.

I told my sister to call me as soon as she talked to him and talked to doctors. I laid there waiting for what seemed like an eternity. I tried calling my dad, but he couldn't answer because he didn't have reception. He finally sent me a text saying he was fine, but I knew he was just being nice, so I waited until my sister called.

Finally, she called and told me that he might have kidney stones and needed a catscan to verify. All in all, my dad was fine. He had a little bit of pain still, but was doing better. She told me my dad would call me when they released him to talk to me. I told her to hug him for me and tell him I love him.

At 4am, my dad called me, and although I knew he was tired, he used his perky voice to tell me he was fine and it was just a kidney stone that was passing through. He told me he'd call me in the morning but that he was fine. I was half asleep so all I could say was, "Damn you dad, take care of yourself, I love you, don't scare me like that!" He laughed and told me there was nothing he could do to prevent a kidney stone.

I waited to call him from work this morning and when I did, he said, "I'm fine now, but I swear I thought I was dying!" He said he had never felt such horrible pain in his life, and it scared him. The pain was so intense that it caused him to collapse. He will be seeing a radiologist this week to figure out if there is another one or if there is a followup treatment to follow.

Needles to say, I was incredibly frightened last night and all I wanted to do was be home. I think I realized how far we are from family, and that scared me. Even when my sister called, my first instinct was to get up. But I had no where to go, and that was a horrible feeling. :(

On the bright side... today was a beautiful day in NYC. I found out that a good friend of mine passed the NYC Bar exam and she referred me to an Bar/Essay coach that helped her pass the NYC Bar. I think I am going to invest some money into her 3 day essay writing course.

Although it was a beautiful day, it was HOT and humid, and that hotness did not help the stench in our apartment. I'm determined to get a discount on our rent for next month because this is beyond disgusting. :)


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My House Stinks... 

Monday, April 25, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 2:34 PM
Happy Monday. ugh.

I really do despise Mondays, nothing good can ever come from a Monday.

We had a nice and mellow weekend with our friend Angelo. He is visiting from Denver and is staying with us until tomorrow. We had a nice Easter dinner at Gaby's house where we ate mussels, roast chicken, artichokes, shrimp, and delicious mac-n-cheese! It was a nice evening and a nice break from our stinky home.

Our home smells absolutely awful. I returned on Thursday and realized that the house smelled awful. I asked Mando what happened since he had been home all week and because he didn't seem phased by the smell. He told me he smelled something too but could't figure out what it was. He thought it might be a pan in the sink, but I washed the pan and noticed the smell was still there. I cleaned the drain in the kitchen, just in case it was in there, but nope. No matter where I cleaned the, the smell was still there. For a second, I thought it could possibly be a dead person, so I went up to my neighbors door and sniffed underneath their door, and then again to the neighbors door below us and sniffed their door. All I could smell upstairs was dirt, and downstairs it smelled like delicious curry.

As we were walking out of the home, we noticed that the smell was only in one corner of the house. But there was nothing that could possibly cause that oder in that part of the house without us seeing it. We left and when we came back a few hours later, the smell was worse!

I started sniffing all over the house, picked up rugs, pots, speakers... but to no avail. I finally decided to smell the brick wall in our living room and I noticed the smell was stronger at the wall. I was so embarassed because Angelo was going to be arriving any second, and I didn't want him to be grossed out by this smell. As I was about to give up, I noticed a small hole, high up in the wall. I reached over and sniffed it, and GUAC!!! The most disgusting smell in the world! I knew immediately what it was. It was a DEAD animal! Yup, I know that smell from growing up in Parral, on my grandmothers farm.

I realized that we probably had a dead rat or mouse behind the wall and it was decomposing right then and there! It was already late, so we placed our ionizing air cleaner by the smell and hoped for the best in the morning.

By morning, the smell was stronger! I didn't know how our friend was able to sleep through with that awful stench. I started gagging and called the building manager to please come up and take a look. He arrived in a flash, mostly because I think he thought it was a gas leak, but he immediately realized that was not the case. I told him what happened and he thought the same thing. He said, "Yup, you have a dead mouse somewhere!" He looked behind our stove and found nothing, the bathroom... nothing. Finally I told him (again) where the smell was coming from. Once he sniffed the hole in the wall, he made the same contorted face I made when I smelled it and stepped back. Then he informed us that there was nothing he could do, we'd have to just wait it out. He said the exterminators had been in on Thursday spraying the apartment below us. The mouse must have eaten some poison, then took off upstairs where it found its gloomy death behind our walls. Disgusting.

I was mad that there was nothing they could do about it, but Gaby said it happens all the time. Either way, I left our management company a voicemail today asking them to discount our rent for this next month because of the energy being used by the air purifier to clean out the smell. I am going to fight for a discount because it stinks horribly and no one should have to put up with that in their homes.

Yuck.

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Happy Easter 

Sunday, April 24, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 2:24 PM

Happy Sunday folks!

My family use to celebrate this holiday when I was younger, but as I got older and I stopped going to church, we really only had Easter dinner and that was it. I would love getting my Easter Basket and going egg hunting. My parents would buy me and my sister our fancy Easter dresses and we would go to the park or church events and play and eat with family and friends. I loved it!

I loved trying to catch the Easter bunny in action, but I never did. My parents were too clever and were always one step ahead.

I don't go to church anymore, except for December 12th, but I think today is a holiday to reflect on all the blessings in your life and to be thankful to the powers that be for what you have.
So with that, believers or not, I wish you all a blessed day. We've spent the day with our friend Angelo, eating pizza, and lounging on the grassy knoll at Columbia University. It was a beautiful day and I think it will be a wonderful night.

As for the the 5 de Mayo Report events, I have chosen to put it behind me and work harder than before. I read this quote later that day and it reminded me to continue my good work and to not worry about trivial things. We'll see what happens but no matter what, I keep moving forward.
“The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.”--Robert Kiyosaki

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Entitlement 

Wednesday, April 20, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 7:51 AM




















Give up your sense of entitlement. – Nobody is entitled to anything in this world. We are all equal. We breathe the same air. We get what we give. We get what we earn.

I am having a really tough time getting through this statement. I am trying to find that place of gratitude and appreciation for the opportunity to work on the report, but today, I just don't know if I can really go there.

As you all know, I have been working on the Final Report to Congress on the National Museum of the American Latino. I love this project and I love my director and the commission. I have been in DC for the last month, traveling back and forth between NYC and DC. I am tired, traveling disrupts my schedule, but I do it, because I am committed to this report and because I appreciate my boss.

One of the most exciting aspects of this project, especially when I came on as the assistant to the Project Director, was the opportunity to possibly attend the White House 5 de Mayo celebration. But today, I was told that there was probably no chance of me attending, but someone else, who is a hard worker too, will be attending. My problem is that all her "work" has been completed by me. I'm the one who deals with contracts, schedules, management, etc. She just has the title.

So, again, I am being left out of a vital part of the project. I am annoyed, I am upset.

I have worked incredibly hard on this project and have taken every single responsibility that they have given me. I have worked late nights, early mornings, trying to make sure that this report is perfect. I was hoping that what I have given of my time and dedication, would earn me a place at the White House reception, and more importantly, appreciation from my directors. I know my director here in DC appreciates me, but I know that my former director in Denver, doesn't. I think she takes me for granted and still I am the one dealing with contracts, modifications, contractors, etc. Fantastic.

Once again, I feel jealous, defeated, and deceived. Maybe I shouldn't feel entitled- but in this case, I worked tirelessly to make everything seem effortless for everyone.

I'll still continue to perform above and beyond because I am a professional, and I will not complain about this to my director or anyone else. I will be patient and again find gratitude in myself to know that I received the opportunity to work on such an epic project. All will be well.

But today, I can drink my haterade and be a hater. I'll be fine again tomorrow, but for today, let me wallow in my haterade.





1 comments

I'm Giving Up 

Monday, April 18, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 5:20 PM
I found this and I couldn't wait to share it... I found it here. Enjoy and spread the love and love yourself. This is what I needed today (and sleep). :)

50 Things You Need to Give Up Today

Give up trying to be perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done.

Give up comparing yourself to others. – The only person you are competing against is yourself.

Give up dwelling on the past or worrying too much about the future. – Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. Don’t miss it.

Give up complaining. – Do something about it.

Give up holding grudges. – Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.

Give up waiting. – What we don’t start today won’t be finished by tomorrow. Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.

Give up lying. – In the long-run the truth always reveals itself. Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.

Give up trying to avoid mistakes. – The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.

Give up saying, “I can’t.” – As Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.”

Give up trying to be everything to everyone. – Making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. Start small. Start now.

Give up thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

Give up setting small goals for yourself. – Many people set small goals because they’re afraid to fail. Ironically, setting these small goals is what makes them fail.

Give up trying to do everything by yourself. – You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with. If you work together, you will be far more capable and powerful than you ever could have been alone.

Give up buying things you don’t need. – Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects. Read I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

Give up blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can live your dream life depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.

Give up making mountains out of molehills. – One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years? If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

Give up trying to live up to the expectations of others. – Work on it for real and exceed your own expectations. Everything else will fall into place.

Give up the ‘easy street’ mentality. – There is too much emphasis on finding a ‘quick fix’ in today’s society. For example taking diet pills to lose weight instead of exercising and eating well. No amount of magic fairy dust replaces diligent, focused, hard work.

Give up making promises you can’t keep. – Don’t over-promise. Over-deliver on everything you do.

Give up letting your thoughts and feelings bottle up inside. – People are not mind readers. They will never know how you feel unless you tell them.

Give up beating around the bush. – Say what you mean and mean what you say. Communicate effectively.

Give up avoiding change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So embrace change and realize that change happens for a reason. It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.

Give up your sense of entitlement. – Nobody is entitled to anything in this world. We are all equal. We breathe the same air. We get what we give. We get what we earn.

Give up waiting until the last minute. – Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.

Give up being dramatic. – Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own.

Give up being anti-athletic. – Get your body moving! Simply take a long, relaxing walk or commit 30 minutes to an at-home exercise program like the P90X workout.

Give up junk food. – You are what you eat. Read The 4-Hour Body.

Give up eating as a means of entertainment. – Don’t eat when you’re bored. Eat when you’re hungry.

Give up foolish habits that you know are foolish. – Don’t text and drive. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t smoke. Etc.

Give up relationships with people who bring you down. – Saying “no” to right people gives you the time and resources required to say “yes” to right opportunities. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded.

Give up being shy. – Network with people. Meet new people. Ask questions. Introduce yourself.

Give up worrying about what others think of you. – Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.

Give up trying to control everything. – Life is an unpredictable phenomenon. No matter how good or bad things seem right now, we can never be 100% certain what will happen next. So do you best with what’s in front of you and leave the rest to the powers above you.

Give up doing the same thing over and over again. – In order to grow, you must expand your horizons and break free of your comfort zone. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll
keep getting what you’re getting.

Give up following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t find the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.

Give up persistent multi-tasking. – Do one thing at a time and do it right.

Give up thinking others are luckier than you. – The harder you work, the luckier you will become.

Give up filling every waking moment with commitments and activities. – It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to do nothing sometimes. Think. Relax. Breathe. Be.

Give up making emotional decisions. – Don’t let your emotions trump your intelligence. Slow down and think things through before you make any life-changing decisions.

Give up doing the wrong things just because you can get away with it. – Just because you can get away with something doesn’t mean you should do it. Think bigger. Keep the end in mind. Do what you know in your heart is right.

Give up focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

Give up taking yourself so seriously. – Few others do anyway. So enjoy yourself and have a little fun while you can.

Give up spending your life working in a career field you’re not passionate about. – Life is too short for such nonsense. The right career choice is based on one key point: Finding hard work you love doing. So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions. Read The 4-Hour Workweek.

Give up thinking about the things you don’t have. – Appreciate everything you do have. Many people aren’t so lucky.

Give up doubting others. – People who are determined do remarkable things. Remember, the one who says it can’t be done should never interrupt the one doing it.

Give up fussing with every beauty product on the market. – Good looks attracts the eyes. Personality attracts the heart. Be proud to be you. That’s when you’re beautiful.

Give up trying to fit in. – Don’t mold yourself into someone you’re not. Be yourself. Oftentimes, the only reason they want you to fit in is that once you do they can ignore you and go about their business.

Give up trying to be different for the sake of being different. – Nonconformity for the sake of nonconformity is conformity. When people try too hard to be different, they usually end up being just like everyone else who is trying to be different. Once again, be yourself.

Give up trying to avoid risk. – There’s no such thing as ‘risk free.’ Everything you do or don’t do has an inherent risk.

Give up putting your own needs on the back burner. – Yes, help others, but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

And remember, mistakes make us human, failures help us grow, hope keeps us going and love is the reason we’re alive. So keep learning, loving and living. Never give up on yourself.

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Comfort Food... 

Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 4:28 PM



Today was a rough day... Not because of anything bad, I am just tired. Some days the city wears me down.

So, I kept thinking, what do I want to make for dinner, and all I could think about were beans and tortillas. All I wanted tonight were some homemade tortillas de harina with homemade refried beans.

I couldn't find any good tortilleria close by, so instead I decided to make a homemade bean torta. When I was little my grandma and my dad would take a bolillo style bread and stuff it with beans and cheese. It was my favorite! So tonight, I will make my bolillo bean sandwich and go to sleep. :)

Nice.

What's your comfort food and why?

This is what my delicious meal looked like... sheer masterpiece. :)

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Be Grateful 

Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:37 AM
I hate Mondays. Always have and I always will. I hate Mondays as much as I hate sunrises. They're just bothersome.

I woke up early this morning to attend a meeting in Times Square, for a child client with KIND. KIND helps unaccompanied minors who have arrived into the U.S. by providing pro bono (free) legal representation. Since I can't practice yet, I decided to volunteer with this amazing organization so that I could help children seek relief in the United States. Each year, 8,000 unaccompanied minors enter the U.S. and my dream would be to work with these children. You can transform a life and pro bono assistance is needed to help them navigate the ridiculous immigration court system.

The meeting was at 9am at a fancy law firm in Times Square. I left the house with plenty of time to arrive. But, when I got off the train in Times Square, I became disoriented as to which direction to go, since the last time I went, I came out on another block. It was ten minutes til 9am, and I immediately pulled my phone out to "google map" the location, but reception in Times Square is awful and there's so many people around, that I just want to stab myself (or them)so that I could have a moment of peace and quiet. Apparently, I was only 465 feet away from the building, so I ran as fast as I could, entered the building then waited for 5 minutes for them to check me in. Fail. 9:05, I arrive to the office, wrong floor, then head back up to the right floor, ask the reception to please notify the attorney that I have arrived, and take a seat. She looks at me like I'm a moron when I asked her if the attorney knew I was there. 9:10, still no attorney, so I call him and leave a message with his secretary. The receptionist tells me that she's already called him and that I just have to wait. Fail. 9:15, they finally find me and we start the meeting. Fail.

I was upset with myself because I HATE to look unprofessional, especially in a setting like this. I apologized profusely and they were fine with it, but I wasn't. The meeting went well and was over faster than I expected. The client is an adorable young girl from Honduras and her story is amazing. She's amazing. She traveled for one month, through multiple borders and even survived being held by Los Zetas for 12 days until her mother could come up with the additional money to have her released. She's amazing and listening to her and her mother today reminded me to be grateful.

Yes, I had a crazy morning running around Times Square, but I wasn't running for my life. My volunteer work with KIND reminds me of why I went to law school and why I am going to pass that Bar. Because I want to help people like this little girl and her mom. This little girl spent an entire night running for her life, and she didn't stop until morning. You look at her, and she is as calm as a cucumber with no sadness in her eyes. When the attorney's told her she was a brave girl and then asked her if she was scared, she answered that she was always scared, but when you love someone and you want to see them, then you'll cross rivers, mountains and oceans to be by their side. Amazing.

What's more amazing is that nothing happened to her during that one month she traveled though the U.S., Mexico and Central America. Talk about true grit. She's simply an incredibly little girl and I feel honored to be working with her and her mother. She's absolutely magnificent and she humbles me. Just like my other KIND child, they both humble me and I love being a part of this process. We'll see what happens as we near their court dates, I might not love the process then, especially if a judge determines that they will be deported. I'm not too sure how I'll be able to handle that yet.

In the meantime... we are 29 days away from Bar Prep, and I am eagerly awaiting to study and get back on the horse!

I leave you with this video from KIND. :)



Happy (bleh) Monday! And remember... Be grateful today, for all the blessings in your life.

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La vida es short.. 

Sunday, April 17, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 8:28 PM


I had a great weekend with friends and the hubs.

I missed my hubs and being home, here in NYC. I missed cooking and just relaxing. We had a crazy thunderstorm yesterday that lasted all day! We spent the afternoon in Harlem on 125th and then we headed over to Sunset Park in Brooklyn for a friend's event.

Today we slept in then headed out to grab a breakfast bagel at the most delicious bagel spot in the world! Just by chance there was a street fair and we spent some time eating more food and checking out the vendors. I don't even care so much for what they sell, but I love walking around and watching people interact with vendors and with each other.

We came home, cleaned, and watched the Knicks game at our house with some friends. :) Now, I'm just super tired and sleepy and not looking forward to this week.

I'll be heading back to DC again on Tuesday or Wednesday and then back again on Thursday or Friday.

But, the weeks are flying by and we'll be home soon! Time is just flying by... and that's ok.

I wish you all an amazing week! Thanks to all the new readers to the blog. Enjoy.

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Rough morning, but I stink good 

Friday, April 15, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:50 AM


I woke up slightly hung over from my 3 glasses of wine. If that's all it takes for me to wake up feeling like a trainwreck, then I am getting old. The first thing I did was apologize to my liver. Then my stomach.

Ugh. I hate that feeling.

I brushed my teeth, showered, then started to pack my things up from the hotel room. I don't have much to pack since I travel with my backpack. I look like a very stylish homeless person. I love it.

I did my makeup, combed my hair, got dressed, and went to the bathroom to put perfume on. Once that mission was accomplished, I picked up my brand new bottle of perfume and for some stupid reason, it slipped out of my hand, crashed onto the bathroom floor, broke into a gazillion pieces and splattered all over me with the heavenly scent of Clinique Happy. The strange part is that I got a huge splash of it in my freshly made-up eyes and in my mouth! I couldn't open my eyes, I'm barefoot, and I started to gag from the perfume in my mouth! The gagging grossed out my already sensitive stomach so I felt the urge to vomit, but I couldn't see where the toilet was. So I felt around waving my hands until I found it, dry heaved for a moment then I realized how BADLY my eyes were burning! I didn't want to completely mess up my make up because I'd have to do it all over again, but the burning in my eyes was so intense that it wouldn't go away with a simple cold splash! I tried to open my eyes, and I couldn't! Then I gagged again! Damnit!

So I decided to stick my entire face under the tub faucet because the burning was so intense, so again, I fumbled around with my eyes clenched closed, trying to feel out for glass and the tub. Once I found the tub, I stuck my face in sideways to try and get the most amount of water into my eyes. After 3 minutes, the pain was slowly going away, but it still stung to open them. I also rinsed my mouth out because the taste of the perfume was grossing me out again.

It was not my brightest moment, but I didn't cut myself. I did have to redo my makeup and leave an apology note to the cleaning staff so that they would know a glass bottle broke and that it stunk and most importantly I was sorry.

Needless to say, I was late to work. On my way in, I decided to grab an iced green tea at starbucks to try and calm my stomach down, but I reeked and people were so rude. One woman asked if I knew how much perfume I put on, I laughed and said "yeah, all of it!" She didn't laugh, then she pushed me and muttered something under her breath about my large backpack and how she couldn't go through. I told her to "go around and get over it!" She then said, "Well, you smell!" To which I said, "Well, at least I stink good, you jerk!!" The guy behind me and at the counter laughed so hard that I couldn't help but laugh too. He gave me a free banana. :)

So, now I'm at work, I don't stink as bad anymore, but for a second, it was awful.

2 comments

Forgiveness and Friendships 

Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 8:36 AM
Yesterday evening, I had an important date that I have been putting off for four years. For four years, I resented a person who use to be one of my best friends. I was mad at her, I knew she was mad at me, and I hated it. We've all had those relationships that you just have to let go, but when we let go, it was one of the hardest decisions I ever made and it haunted me everyday because I felt like I failed as a friend, that I had failed her and that I didn't try hard enough. Losing her was like breaking up with a boyfriend.

I thought about her constantly and wondered how she was doing. But I was too proud and too hurt to call her or email her, because I felt like I wasn't ready to talk and that perhaps our friendship was done and over with.

We first met while we were both pledging for our Latina sorority in college. She was from El Paso, with a crazy look in her eye and I liked it. She was one year older than me and we instantly became best friends. We laughed together, cooked together and cried together. Some of my favorite memories in college were with her and Daniela. She had been there for me and I for her through good times and bad. Her family is crazy enough to make my family look normal. We would talk through everything but all that changed around 2008.

In 2007 she was there for the opening of our store and for our engagement. I distinctly remember hearing her scream when Mando dropped down to one knee in front of everybody. For years, I imagined she would be standing by my side at the alter as a bridesmaid. But she didn't because I didn't even invite her.

In 2007, her life started to spiral to a point where I could no longer support her and her antics. She wasn't the person that I loved and I couldn't stop her from the path she was taking. During my first year of lawschool she was homeless and I offered her the extra bedroom in my apartment in Denver. We fought like sisters daily and it reached a level that I didn't know how to handle. When we tried to talk about the issues in her life, she would deny it and lie, and I would become so angry and sad that I just stopped talking to her. At one point, she felt like I was trying ot hurt her, and for me, that became a breaking point. I couldn't understand how someone who I cared for deeply, could possibly think that I was trying to harm them.
She moved out and I removed myself from her life.

One of the last times I saw her in Denver, we were both locked in a bathroom, on New Years Eve, screaming at each other because she was drunk and belligerently screaming at a close friend of mine who had ended his relationship with her. I hated myself for screaming and fighting with her, because I knew that's not who she was and because I didn't like confrontation. She moved to Maryland that spring.

When I was planning my wedding, I remember talking to her and telling her the date ahead of time so that she could come, and deep down inside, I wanted her to be my bridesmaid. But the message she returned said, "Sorry, I'll be out of town for a family reunion." That was the last straw for me, and it was a deep hurt that I hadn't felt before. So, we didn't talk since then.

I pushed it aside, but for years this bothered me because I didn't want to let go of the friendship and I didn't want to let her go. But I didn't know how to reconcile what had happened. I found out she got engaged and was even annoyed when she text me to tell me. I got angry and sad because I knew I wouldn't be invited to the wedding, and I wasn't. I saw her pictures on facebook and was sad. She made a beautiful bride, and I hoped she was happy.

When we moved to NYC she posted on facebook that I was too close not to visit and I got worried because I knew I would have to see her at some point. When I started working in DC, she sent me a text and asked to meet up. I wasn't ready to see her, so I made up excuses of being busy and that I didn't have time. I didn't want to see her over coffee because I knew this was going to be a rough conversation. The last two times I've been in DC, I didn't bother to tell her. I didn't want her to know I was here.

Finally, this week, we decided to meet over dinner. My stomach was in knots as I walked over to the restaurant. What would this encounter be like? What would we say? What if we scream at each other in the restaurant? No. We hugged, we started talking, and before it could get awkward, I told her everything. I told her how I felt, that I was sorry for how things ended, that I felt bad for four years, everything. Within the first 10 minutes, I was able to release everything I had inside and just see if that was the reconciliation we needed. She cried, I cried and we released 4 years worth of tension in our lives. We sat, ate and drank delicious wine for 5 hours! We talked about the old days, our families and the struggles we've both had. It was amazing. I also had the great fortune of meeting her husband last night, and it all made sense. He's lovely and exactly the type of person she needed in her life at that moment and forever. She's a mother to a 6 year old step son, and I can tell she's great at it. She was born to be a mother and I'm so thankful that she found them and that she found herself again.

She's not the person I last saw at all, she's herself again, smart, motivated, healthy and in love. In love with life and her family and God. I love it. Everything fell into place the moment we became honest and forgave each other, we talked as if we hadn't skipped a beat. I loved it.

At the end of the night, we both walked away tipsy from our wine, and we hugged like true sisters again and I felt like my universe was finally back in order. My shoulders felt lighter (it was probably the wine too) but I felt great.

This was a good lesson for me in forgiveness and letting go. The people closest to me know that I hate confrontations, but I realized that I've learned to manage them and that I can articulate my thoughts without feeling like I'm hurting people's feelings. It's therapeutic, almost cleansing to release all that energy out... so try it. :)

Have a safe weekend!

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Back in D.C. 

Thursday, April 14, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 12:28 PM
I'm back in DC this week for work and to be honest, I'm a bit over the traveling back and forth. It really tires me out during the week, so by the time I get around to the weekend, all I want to do is sleep! The good news is that all the plans for the report are moving along beautifully and I really enjoy the company of my boss. He's a great person with a kind heart and I think he truly appreciates me. :) I'm glad I get to work with him directly because I've learned a lot from him and some of the other staffers here in DC. I don't think I could live in DC because of all the egos and the weird energy all around.

These past couple of weeks I've been in meetings with Secretary's Salazar's senior advisors, congressional aides, and other high and mighty folks/Latinos in DC. At the very least, they are incredibly nice, but I can't really describe the feeling or the word to describe this place. It's a real contrast between the vibe that lives in NYC and the vibe in DC. The word for NYC is "create!" While in DC it's "power." I feel like everyone is looking for power, and I don't think I like that feeling, and I think that's why I am always glad to go back to NYC. I think the best word for Colorado is "home." I love Colorado, and I love it even more now that I am away. I look forward to being around my family and friends, and I am literally counting down the days because I want to be around everyone and feel their love and good energy. I also want to relax a litte. A friend of ours was able to pinpoint the exact feeling of NYC when you wake up in the mornings. It's the feeling that you missed something and you better go and get on with your day asap! While being at home, is like waking up feeling like "you're missing nothing, relax, enjoy this moment, breathe that clean aquafina air." I look forward to breathing that aquafina rocky mountain air.

I feel like everything is coming together nicely for the most part. I only have two weeks left at Governor's Island, then I will spend my last week here in DC. Next week will be a bit hectic since I will probably need to back up everything on my computer, ship it back to Denver and start packing up my office. This always makes me sad, especially because I really enjoyed having my own entire office. I am also trying to do something nice for the staff at the island, but one of my co-workers only eats Kosher food, so I don't know what I could make or do to accomodate everyone. I'll figure something out, I'm sure. I'm just incredibly eager, anxious and excited to get on with the rest of my life! You know that feeling you had as a kid, right before you started a race a field day? That's the feeling that I have! I feel anxious and ready to move forward and get er' done.

Plus, I am excited for this weekend because we are (hopefully) going to create and organize our creative space in the extra bedroom. We are going to buy the hubs his drafting desk and organize that room so we can actually start working in it. We need it because our idea tentacles (not testicles) are all over the place like mad people! That's something I do appreciate about this lovely man of mine, he pushes me to create and at the same time to ground myself and achieve my greatest potential. We are a good match for each other and I appreciate him so much more now that we are out here. We have exciting projects that I still can't fully tell you about until we finalize them.

As a last comment, this week we helped friends out at the premiere for the first all Latino-web series called East Willy B. This is an important venture for our friends because they are creating the roles that are not available to them or that are not presented in the mainstream tv/media. I think this will be the beginning of something incredible and I think we both felt honored to have helped them on Tuesday. They are an amazing group of talented artists and I am proud to call some of them our friends. Enjoy the first episodes. xoxo



p.s. I couldn't post yesterday because the stupid hotel I am staying at requires you pay for wifi. Which is dumb considering this is the fancy shmancy Hilton, and the hotel I stayed at last week was the Courtyard Marriot. The Marriot was SO much better than the Hilton. They have FREE homemade cookies everyday, free wifi, free fitness center and a pool. The Hilton in DC sucks. They even charge you to work out! losers. I'm going to write The Marriott and let them know they rock.

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Back to work. 

Monday, April 11, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 9:19 AM
so true.


Back to work today, the world did not end and an agreement was reached on the 11th hour before the shutdown. This is probably how everyone's cable and phone bill works out too. You wait until they threaten to turn off your your service, then you pay just enough to keep it going.


Well, at least we can continue planning the release of the final report. To be honest, I am so attached to this project, that I was a bit panicked that the shutdown would cost us the release and would also have me without a paycheck before May 5th. Those would both be equally disastrous for me.


I had an incredible and a bit unproductive weekend. Friday we stayed in and relaxed, had Jamaican food for the first time (eh) and then went to bed. I know, we are only in our late 20's and we act like an old married couple. Saturday we woke up late, I worked out while the hubs lounged around, then we went to a women's pop-up shop )arts/crafts sale) then headed out to Philly for an art show with a friend!

Philadelphia is only an hour and a half away so it didn't feel that long, and the ride back was hilarious! The hubs and I learned that in NYC, they think Chick-Fil-A is pronounced Chikafila. We passed one and Armando said, "Look, there's a Chick-fil-a!" And our friend responded by saying, "Is that how you say that?!" I laughed so hard for about 10 minute straight! We took a minor detour through Pennsauken, Pennsylvania so we could get gas, and all 4 of us in the car were a bit scared everytime we passed some police officers. For some reason we imagined that this was the kind of place where latinos and people of color just disappear. Needless to say, we pumped gas and took off towards the highway.


The show was an incredible, and I have never seen anything like it. The artist, Adrian, created an exhibit the chronicles the memories of an elderly puerto rican woman. But his exhibit is exquisite and inspiring. We came to find out that the gallery we were in was actually someone's home! They opened up their home and now it serves as a community/art space as well. It was amazing.


It was the closing night so a few performers closed out the show and one spoken word artist brought me tears.

Her name is Danice MsMisconception Frohman. She read a poem titled "abuela" and dedicated it to her as her abuelita had just passed away two months ago. I knew it would probably be a good poem, but she captured the essence of my relationship with her. From the beginning, I cried and couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Once it was done, I quietly escaped to the bathroom to clean my face and to quietly sob a little bit more. I miss my grandma everyday and at that moment, her words just pierced straight through my heart. Hopefully I can get a copy of her performance, because it was magical for me.


All in all, the weekend was fun. Just exhausting.

I am now 36 days away from preparing for barprep, and I feel excited and nervous.

Hopefully, these next couple of weeks will fly by so I can see my family and friends then head to the beach!


This is the video of the exhibit we went to go see this weekend. Amazing.

Caja De La Memoria Viva II: Constancia Colon Clemente from Viajero on Vimeo.

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No Government Shutdown 

Friday, April 8, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:20 PM
Well, as you all have heard, the government will not shut down this week. Yeay. I was a bit stressed this week thinking of all the complications I would have if they did such as no pay check, stalling the release of the report, no paycheck, and my appointment running out. ;) I don't even want to know what was compromised and given up by the dems. Thanks boehner. you suck. Happy Weekend to all. :)

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Long Day 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 7:29 PM
I think I need a day to just sleep all day.

I am so tired today and all I wanted to do was hide under the desk and go to bed.

A great highlight of my day was speaking to 8th grade students via Skype. The students wanted to learn more about college and how I paid for and went to college even though I was an immigrant, and for a long time, undocumented. I hope that I did a good job for them, I couldn't see them but they could see me, so I hope I was at least interesting. :) I think it's hard to impress 8th graders. My boss walked by as I was speaking with students and he told me afterward that he thought it was "super cool" that we can talk video to video across the country.

I did have a weird moment today when I overheard the girl who sits behind me, interview students for intern positions within the Department of the Interior. I saw how they picked candidates and the questions they asked them and how they ended the conversations. For the candidates they liked, they immediately told them they would hear back from HR and a start date will be sent to them. For the ones that were not picked, they would tell them that a decision had yet to be made and they had other people to interview and would get back to them. After applying to fellowships and positions at various jobs, I would hear the last statement vs. the first one. Now I know. I felt bad for the people that received the second statement and not the first. I wondered if they knew they were no longer in the running? If they had false hope that they might have a chance. I think I'd rather have them tell me, "you know, you're not quite what we're looking for, but good job and good luck."

I'm glad tomorrow is Thursday, I am ready to go home and I am super exhausted. I want to take this weekend to rest but there's so much to do. We'll see what the weekend holds.

Buenas noches.
xo

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Live and Let Go 

Tuesday, April 5, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 8:09 PM
so racist. lol.

Today was an interesting day. I am in Washington, DC for work again and all is well with the Museum and the project, but I had a moment of clarity and I felt overwhelmed and at ease, all at the same time.

Since 2005 I have been an intern. Yup, a professional intern for the last 6 years and I am over it. I absolutely love the work that I have done with the National Park Service and the Department of the Interior and it has been incredibly rewarding. A year ago I came to NPS to work on the Report to Congress on the potential creation of the National Museum of the American Latino. I've worked on the edits, presentation and final delivery of the report, and if all goes well, I'll end my brief stint with NPS at the Whitehouse delivering the report to President Obama. In one year I was able to meet the most amazing people and I am incredibly grateful to all my directors for allowing me to grow professionally and personally. They went above and beyond to help me every step of the way, even more than I ever imagined. From Denver to New York, the support was there.

But now, as it all comes to an end, I am starting to realize that I don't ever want to be an intern again. I am over it. Not because of my current work, but because I am done with that chapter of my life and now I need to go pursue my goals and a career in the legal field. I've learned so much and I could come back to work for the government, but not as an intern. It's a bittersweet feeling because I've loved this project and the other projects I've had the honor of working on, but I have sacrificed too much to just be an intern for someone. And I feel ok with everything. I am still uneasy about being unemployed in the next couple of weeks but I have to believe that there is a greater plan for me and for all of this. Fate has to be working in a weird way and although I never seem to understand certain events that I am confronted with, when I look back, I see what lessons or opportunities arose from those decisions. For example, last year I joined the National Latino Law Student Association executive board and I had no idea why. I woke up that morning, attended a meeting and someone told me to run for a position and I did. Then I ended up winning a position and I had no idea why I decided to do that since I was in my final year of law school and I really didn't need to complicate my life further, but I did it anyway. Looking back, if it wasn't for the friends I made on the board, I would not have flown out to NYC or New Haven or have anyone to stay with or know in New York City. The friendships I have made are absolutely incredible and we support and motivate each other to succeed and to accomplish our goals. They are incredible human beings and I love the all dearly. But if it wasn't for my position on the board, I would have never met any of them, especially George and Alex.

So as I prepare for the Bar exam and for this new chapter in my life, I go forward with optimism and faith that everything will be ok. I have worked hard in all of my positions and if I continue to work hard, everything will be fine. I feel calm, and although I am sad to leave, I leave knowing that I contributed to the legacy of amazing projects within the Department of the Interior and beyond. It's ok for me to let go.

In the end, I guess we have to continue to be fearless and really push ourselves out of our comfort zones so that we reach our full potential. So we can be better than we ever imagined.

Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself. - Dale Carnegie

I'll leave you with the Farm workers Prayer by Cesar Chavez. I read it today and it really touched my heart, so enjoy.

Prayer of the Farm Workers' Struggle
Show me the suffering of the most miserable;
So I will know my people's plight.
Free me to pray for others;
For you are present in every person.
Help me to take responsibility for my own life;
So that I can be free at last.
Grant me courage to serve others;
For in service there is true life.
Give me honesty and patience;
So that I can work with other workers.
Bring forth song and celebration;
So that the spirit will be alive among us.
Let the spirit flourish and grow;
So we will never tire of the struggle.
Let us remember those who have died for justice;
For they have given us life.
Help us love even those who hate us;
So we can change the world.

Written by Cesar E. Chavez, UFW Founder (1927-1993)

Oracion del Campesino en la Lucha

Ensename el sufrimiento de los mas desafortunados;
Asi conocere el dolor de mi pueblo.
Librame a orar por los demas;
Porque estas presente en cada persona.
Ayudame a tomar responsabilidad de mi propia vida;
Solo asi sere libre al fin.
Concedeme valentia para servir al projimo;
Porque en la entrega hay vida verdadera.
Concedeme honoradez y paciencia;
Para que yo pueda trabajar junto con otros trabajadores.
Alumbranos con el canto y la celebracion;
Para que levanten el Espiritu entre nosotros.
Que el Espiritu florezca y crezca;
Para que no nos cansemos entre la lucha.
Nos acordamos de los que han caido por la justicia;
Porque a nosotros han entregado la vida.
Ayudanos a amar aun a los que nos odian;
Asi podremos cambiar el mundo.

Escrito por Cesar E. Chavez, Fundador de la UFW (1927-1993)

You can download it here.

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Sasnor Awards for April 

Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 1:20 PM



Alright you starving foodies! Today is finally the day that I will load more Sasnor Awards! Today, I would like to honor two places that have beautifully, well crafted food items that leave your hands feeling greasy, but your heart and tummy feeling happy and full. Now that I am in New York, I know what great pizza consists of. A few places in Denver boast they have great NY Style pizza and Famous Pizza on Colfax is actually pretty delicious. But if you want to try something similar then you need to drive over to Littleton, Colorado and check out the Old Fashion Italian Deli in Littleton.


Best Pizza Spot


Old Italian Deli


395 W Littleton Boulevard Littleton, CO 80120 (303) 794-1402


oldfashioneditaliandeli.com/


This is a family run business and you can sometime see their little kids running around and trying to help their mom and dad run the restaurant. The pizza slices are huge, the bread is perfectly made to have a slight crunch to it with every bith and the mozzarella cheese literally melts right off of the dough. The tomato sauce isn't fake or overdone, it's just perfect. An entire pizza pie is gigantic and it can be easily shared between 3-4 people. The service is amazing and the products are original and not artificial like the other spots. I've also had their Chicago style hot dogs (which I am not a big fan of in general) but their hotdogs were delicious as well! If you want to venture further into their deliciousness then check out their sandwiches. One word= Amazing.


I must warn you that they only take cash and not credit cards but this business is definitely worth the drive out there. It's a small shop but beyond delicious and so authentic that you will wonder why you ever ate any other kind of pizza before. It's heaven in your mouth!


P.S. They are closed on Sundays.


Next up, something I miss dearly out here in NYC is delicious Mexican food. Everyone thinks that NYC has any kind of food you could possibly want, but that's a lie. I have yet to find mallorcas or a perfect torta. In Denver there are a few spots that have beyond ridiculous tasting tortas such as Las Tortugas and Chely's. But one of my favorite spots for tortas and Mexican food in general is La Mexicana.


Mexican Spot


La Mexicana Taqueria


2538 W 32nd Ave Ste B


Denver, CO 80211


303-477-0300


I have been coming to this restaurant for years and it's near and dear to my heart since I use to live in the neighborhood. This business has also survived the gentrification efforts of the neighborhood and has stood strong by not selling their business or the building to build fancy stupid condos. But, I'm not bitter. J


Everything is delicious at La Mexicana. Tortas, tacos dorados, horchata, chips and salsa, menudo, pozole, you name it. It's delicious, fast and affordable. The owner is there every single day making sure everything runs smoothly. This past year he re-decorated the interior to keep up with the "chic" neighborhood restaurants that were popping off, and I told him that people don't come there because it looks cool, we come because it's delicious! La Mexicana also became a hang out spot after rallies or events in Denver. We would all meet up at La Mexicana for food and drinks whenever we were going to be in the neighborhood.


Happy hour at La Mexicana is also delicious if you are a big fan of La Mighty Michelada. But the real kind of michelada, made out of Worcestershire and Tapatio sauce, and not that pansy clamato juice other places use. They also have the "lemon" michelada, which is just the lime and salt. But that's a regular beer for me.


So, if it's as nice as they say it is Denver this weekend, head over to one of these spots, pick up a pizza or some tortas and head to a park and have a picnic. I hope you enjoy these spots as much as I do.


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Happy Monday? 

Monday, April 4, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:29 AM
Hi all! I am running on about 2 hours of sleep total. For some reason I could not sleep last night and rolled and tossed and turned in bed, then the couch until 6am. I finally fell asleep when I was supposed to be waking up. :( Needless to say, I arrived to work late but my Director was very understanding and said, "Yeah, I can tell you didn't sleep." So all is well at work at least. I am excited today (tired, but excited) because my first article came out today in Being Latino! You can read it here. Sadly, I wrote the article last week when a decision had yet to be made by USCIS as to whether they were going to follow the NY judge's ruling, but I have faith that with DOMA being defeated, USCIS will have no choice but to honor and recognize same sex marriages. I recently became a contributor to Being Latino this month! I had to apply and submit writing samples and I was finally accepted! Surprisingly, I love writing on this blog, but I have a hard time really putting my other writings and thoughts out in public. But I figured this is a great way to continue working on my writing and analytical skills since I don't really practice my legal writing as much anymore. I will be a legal commentator/contributor for them. :) Last week I showed you a glimpse of my other work in progress, but for now we are restructuring the site and will officially launch justiciahoy.org on Friday! Well, those are the updates I have for now but I will be posting a SASNOR award later today! You will not want to miss the deliciousness that I am about to post. Have a fabulous week folks!

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Feeling Fine... 

Friday, April 1, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:42 AM


Goodness me oh my, I think I was super tired and cranky and emotional yesterday. Again, I'm sorry for being a debbie downer, but it happens to all of us and I think we all need mental health days. They are just as important as sick days, right?

I am doing better today. As I said yesterday, I went home, ate pizza and went straight to bed. :) At least I stick to my mission. :) Although I woke up at 4am and thought about getting ready and going to work at 6am, but then I got sleepy right around 4:30am and went back to sleep.

I have been working on an exciting secret project of mine that I will now share only with you, whoever you are, that read my blog. I use to think that maybe 1-2 people read it, but some folks hit me up on FB to show love for the blog and it made my heart warm like a brownie coming out of the oven! (Thank you ladies!)

With the helps of the hubs, I have a new site that I will be launching soon: www.justiciahoy.org, that will serve a professional and personal purpose of providing stories, resources and insight into the current immigration debate and other federal and state laws that impact the immigrant community. I have already received an offer to do freelance work for another immigrant rights organization in Long Island and I am looking forward to this venture because it allows me to continue to write, but at a more professional level and because I get to educate folks on resources that are available to them and upcoming events and legislation. There are some minor things that are still missing to the blog and the format and look of the blog might change, but the content will remain the same. :)

Happy Friday to Everyone! Have a fabulous weekend! I will be at a Latino Student Law event all day tomorrow. :( Networking never rests! lol!

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