This blog chronicles my crazy and professional life. Culturally, economically, and historically, we are faced with struggles that sometimes others do not have to encounter. Graduating from law school became a daunting task, especially in this economy. Across the nation, Latinas only make up 1.3% of the legal profession. This is my quest in reaching my dreams, changing the world and making my family proud.
Sunday, June 26, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 7:42 PM
Today, I am officially ONE MONTH away from the New York State bar exam!
30 days for the final prep, 31 days, it will be over (i hope).
This was a good study week, next week will be even better. Today was an "ok" study day. I woke up late, tired, did some laundry (to avoid studying) then finally studied. This will be an intense study week, so I figured I'd go a little easy today.
The hubs is away for our friends wedding and finally comes home tomorrow. I was skyped into the wedding ceremony yesterday so that I could watch them get married. It made my day and I was happy to "sorta" be a part of it.
Yesterday was a good day, Mexico won the Gold Cup, some friends came over to watch, and I got a haircut. :) Good day indeed.
I hope to have a good week ahead and I hope everyone has a good week too.
Find something to be grateful for each day, and carry on. Life is too short to be upset about the needless and pointless things in your life. Focus on the good, fix the bad, and carry on.
If you need a pick-me-upper listen to your favorite song to bring you back on track. This is one of mine. Enjoy.
Saturday, June 25, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 8:43 PM
"May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand. May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone. May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace. May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending"-Anon
I posted the quote on my best friend's facebook the other day, and I'm sure it was difficult to understand. I am the eternal optimist, but even in this moment, I had to ask myself, why her? why them? Why?
Life is not easy, and it's not always fair. Things will happen to us that we cannot explain, but out of that madness a lesson is learned. For as difficult as that moment is for us, we come out a stronger and better person. (Unless you're Anthony Weiner, then the lesson is don't be a pervert.)
This post is for my moon and my stars, my puma, my bestie. She is facing one of the most difficult moments in her life and I can't be there to make her laugh or hug her through this and that sucks. I knew the moment I saw her (Fall of 2002) that I needed to be friends with her. I don't know why, but I had to. I annoyed her everyday and she finally gave in and loved me back. We became sorority sisters and we've been best friends ever since. She didn't have a choice because once I make my mind up, nothing stops me.
So, I guess, what I am trying to say is that we don't always see the sunshine, but you have to know and trust that it will come and it is there. One way or another, it will be ok. It has to be. We adjust and address these obstacles with a smile and an open mind and with the love and support from all the people who love you. You're never alone in these battles, your soldiers are behind you to catch you when you fall and to let you rest when you too tired to carry on the weary fight.
Stay positive and know that life is amazing. And you know what, one lesson my friends have taught me is that we don't always have to be super warriors in life. It's ok to NOT be OK. Take a break, you've done all you could today. Tomorrow is another day. Face it however you want to, but don't give up. Love you lovebug.
Friday, June 24, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 7:38 PM
Almost a month away from the Bar, and I am already over it. :)
I kid, I kid. I am taking a great class this week on how to write effective NY Bar essays. The lady is a wonderful teacher, and although you feel like she secretly hates you, she is a kind and brilliant little old lady and I really appreciate her. My favorite part about the class is when you raise your hand to ask her a question, she replies with "Not now Misses Sanchez" referring to me. She does it to everyone who raises their hand, but she calls me Misses Sanchez and I don't want to correct her because I feel bad and the class laughs every time.
On Wednesday, I had a difficult time paying attention in class (9:00-5:00pm) because I didn't sleep the night before, and by not sleeping, I literally mean, not a single wink, not 15 minutes, not 30 minutes. I watched the hours go by then got out of bed and got ready at 7:30am. Awesome. Well, I bought a 5 hour- Extra Strength energy shot a couple of weeks ago, and kept it in my backpack, just in case of an emergency. At this moment, it is important to note that I stopped drinking strong caffeinated drinks my first year of law school because it hurt my stomach. Prior to that, I worked at a coffee shop as a barista and would take single shot or 4 shot espresso mochas like it was my job to. (I guess it kinda was my job to.) So the most caffeine I ever drink is green tea, maybe, once a month, I'll have a small cup of coffee.
Anyway, I was really dragging on Wednesday and decided that this was a good a moment as ever to break open the 5-hour energy drink. Aside from being sensitive to caffeine, I also had only eaten one tiny granola bar for breakfast. So, with an empty stomach, I chugged the entire energy shot and waited anxiously for some energy to focus and pay attention. At about 10am, I started to feel super excited and was happy that finally, the energy I needed was here. By 10:30am I had to get up and go to the hallway because I couldn't stop shaking in my seat and I felt like I needed to go for a marathon run. I figured this is what I was waiting for, and went back to class. I sat there like Judy Grimes (video below). I felt like I every time I recited a rule of law, I must have sounded like her to the rest of the class.
By 11:30am, my stomach was so nauseous that I thought I was going to vomit at any moment! I felt light headed and was just looking at my clock waiting for 12:30 to come so that I could eat something!! I knew if I didn't eat something soon, I would literally pass out. I felt like my blood sugar levels were super low and would cause me to pass out. As soon as lunch hit, I ran out and ate my lunch. Unfortunately for me, all I had for lunch was two hard boiled eggs, the remaining granola bar and some pretzels. I didn't have my regular lunch because we didn't get a chance to go grocery shopping so that's all I had to eat! I felt "ok" after the first egg, but the second one grossed me out, but I still ate it, then the granola bar, then I stuffed my face with pretzels as fast as I could. Nope, food didn't help either. I sat there with my head between my legs trying as hard I could to get my heart rate to slow down. It was beating so fast that I couldn't keep up with it when I tried to count it.
I knew it wasn't a good idea to stay, but I wobbled back into class and told one of the students that I needed his help and asked him to please send me the notes for the remainder of the class, in case I left. He thought I'd be fine, so I sat back down and put my head on the desk. Another student came in and said I looked awful. I explained to her what I did, and she then handed me her trail mix. I hate trail mix, but I knew I needed to get more food in my stomach. The other guy next to me said that you don't drink the whole energy shot, you only take half and wait. It was too late for that. I drank the whole thing. By now, I was still shaking but now I was pale and still light headed. The teacher came back in and told me to wait it out and to go to the hallway if I felt sick. Halfway through the second half of class, I had to get up and go to the bathroom again, but this time, I knew I was going to throw up. I was right. I didn't make it to the bathroom, I had to throw up in a trashcan right outside the bathroom. I don't think I can eat hard boiled eggs again. Gross. I sat in the hallway and again tried to calm down my heart rate by breathing, because I was pretty sure I was going to die. It didn't work. (Please note, no matter how many yoga classes or meditation techniques you know, you cannot calm your heart-rate when it's stimulated by crack.)
After that, I decided I had enough, so at the next break, I gathered my things, apologized to the professor and left. I stumbled into the subway, got on the train and again, put my head between my legs again and waited for my stop. I rolled out of the subway, and made it home. I came in, ate some cold chicken and beans and laid down. At some point, I fell asleep and when I woke up, my heart rate had finally calmed down and I knew I wasn't dead.
I don't think I will ever, EVER, again take that stupid 5-hour energy drink because I might die. If you ever take it, please know that it might be good if you are running from New York to Philadelphia. DO NOT use it if you are going to sit down for an 8 hour class. Lesson learned.
Thursday, June 16, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:25 AM
I'm not going to lie... this week has been somewhat difficult. I am now almost in my 4th week of Bar Review and I am finding it a little bit more difficult to stay calm and organized everyday. I have to remind myself more and more to stay calm and focused. I am studying at the law school now instead of home because that way I don't take a nap when I get sleepy. I haven't been sleeping well because my mind won't shut off. I find myself analyzing and trying to solve hypos at 3 and 4 am.
I think this is really affecting me and that is why I am so tired and not focusing this week. I am going to make a stronger effort to debrief, wind down and go to bed earlier and I am also going to include some daily exercise.
I think it's all just starting to feel so daunting, the idea that we have to know all this and be able to apply it at the drop of a hat. I feel anxious sometimes but without really being able to identify the exact reason to my feelings.
This morning was rough, I woke up a bit late (from not sleeping well again) and finished an essay then fought with my printer because it wouldn't print my essay. (Husband to the rescue). I grabbed my bags and books and flew out the door. I was about down about half the block and was fumbling through my binder to make sure I brought my essay, then I felt the my foot hit something soft, wet and squishy. I looked down and there, below my SANDAL was a gigantic pile of dog poop. Fantastic. I just about vomitted right there and there by how disgusting it all was. So, I did what every normal girl would do who was stressed beyond crazy, and started crying. I don't know why I cried, it just seemed like a good idea at that moment. So I cried, and turned around to clean my foot (yes foot) and my sandals. I walked back limping to the apartment in the weirdest walk of shame of my life.
I got in the shower, rinsed off my sandals, my feet, and cried a little bit more. I was debating about skipping lecture, because at this point, I'm a half hour late, but I somehow came to the conclusion that if I skipped lecture two things would happen 1) Sarah Palin, Alabama and Arizona would have won the day and 2) I would fall behind. I didn't want to be defeated so easily so, I put different shoes on then ran out again. Take 2.
Lecture was fine, and now I am eating a banana and nutella crepe and a coffee shop taking a quick breather before my intense study day begins. I am determined to feel accomplished tonight before I go home. I keep telling myself that nothing worth having or doing in life is easy, and thus, I must keep working hard. After all, It's only for another 39 days, 954 hours and 57255 minutes... but who's counting right? ;)
Lastly, we went to go see John Leguizamos Ghetto Klown show on Broadway last night with a good friend, and it was amazing!! We bought rush tickets for $26 and it was well worth the study break and perfect timing. His show discusses the adversity he has faced as a Latino actor and the fact that he never gave up and kept going, regardless of how difficult things got for him. It was about owning your talent and fighting for what you are worth. So... Armand, Yadira and I found this to be serendipitous since we were just talking about these ideas during dinner. He came out after the show to sign autographs for people and was incredibly nice and short. :)
I hope all is well wherever you are. I'll be back soon. :) I leave you with this video which accurately depicts the feelings of how I feel about law school.
Monday, June 13, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 10:18 AM
To love a person is to learn the song That is in their heart, And to sing it to them When they have forgotten.-- :)
This week I celebrate my 2 year wedding anniversary to that crazy husband of mine!
It's funny because we celebrate two years of being married by 11 years of being together. I have been blessed to have such an incredible friend to support me through my celebrations and challenges. He's been there every step of the way and has made me a better and stronger person because of it. I hope that everyone has someone in their life like this. Friend, husband, family, etc. because it makes all the difference in the world.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011 - Posted by Intellectual Elegance at 5:28 PM
I've made it to week 3 of the bar, and I think everything is going well, at least for now. I'm hoping that by next week the Colorado Unemployment office corrects their mistake on my last paycheck... a whopping $140.00, and provides me with the backpay that they forgot from my last check. If you want to know how you can spend 91 minutes of your day, try calling the unemployment hotline in Denver. It's fantastic, they make you wait 91 minutes, then they hang up on you, you call back and all you can use is a self-help call center, then you try a different line (which they recommend) and that number actually doesn't function. Ah yes, it's our tax payer dollars at work.
It's incredibly hot right now in NYC, we hit 95 degrees today and I thought I was going to pass out. If you want to know what that feels like, punch a hole in a large black plastic trash bag so that your head fits through it, then enter a sauna and wait. That's what it feel like. You sweat everywhere and the smell of the trash on the street heating up in my neighborhood is pretty disgusting. I played leap frog today as I went from one store to another, just to cool off and get out of the heat!
This week is a bit more intense with bar prep, and it's all starting to come together a little bit more as to how different areas of law are going to interact. It's daunting to think that I need to try and remember these things, but at the same time, I try to incorporate my notes, lectures and what I am learning every day so that I don't forget it.
My lovely friends in Denver and California both sent me a great book that I use everyday and I find it calming and it allows me to focus. Just when I feel overwhelmed and stressed to the point where I want to punch myself in the face for going to law school, I remember why I went in the first place and read a passage from this book. My friend in NYC believes it's "very Colorado" of me.
Yesterday was a particularly overwhelming day because I missed a lecture (from not sleeping the night before) and because I couldn't seem to get myself together. I was so tired and just couldn't function. I watched the lecture I missed, took my notes, then meditated and did some yoga to clear my mind. I ended up going to bed early and not studying anymore because I was too frustrated, and honestly, just too tired to even concentrate.
Today was a better day, I was still tired, but at least I was determined and eager to get started on my studying. I actually really enjoy studying. I like being by myself in my element preparing for this challenge. Anyway, after class I had to go to Governors Island to drop off my keys and some documents and during class I had made note cards to memorize the law from today's lecture. If I know I have to commute, I take my flash cards so that I am constantly studying. Well, when I got on the train, it was packed and there was no where to sit. I stood for about two stops, then finally a space opened up and I sat down.
I sat down to this larger, African American woman who had a really nice designer handbag. I specifically remember her handbag because I stared at it when I got on because I was trying to see who the designer was. (Dianne Von Furstenburg-- I think) Anyway, I sat there focusing on memorizing the rules for Agency and I could tell this woman was staring at me and my notes and I thought, "what a metiche!" She then tapped my shoulder (because my eyes were closed) and she asked if I was a law student. I told her I was and was preparing for the bar. She said, "Yes I can tell. I can see you studying. If I can make one suggestion, I'd like to remind you that this is just an exam. On days that you want to quit, remember why you are doing this in the first place and be calm. You know yourself better than anyone else, trust yourself because you can do this." I thanked her with a big cheesy smile and I found out that she is an attorney. She passed the NY Bar in 2006 on her first try. She told me she only studied for 5 hours a day, but that was because she was intense for 5 hours and then practiced. She gave me some great advice, and more than anything, she reminded me to know myself and trust myself as I go through this process because it is just a test. She said the NY Bar isn't as difficult as they say it is, it's a matter of keeping calm and carrying on, and knowing the law as best as I can.
Before I could ask her for her card, she was up on off on the next stop. For some reason, she calmed me down and made me feel good about this process. So, with that conversation, I am literally staying calm and carrying on as best as I can. Everyday I work hard (except yesterday), and I know that somedays will be better than others. I am ok with that.
I hope you are all having a great week! Summer is here!
