I'm not going to lie... this week has been somewhat difficult. I am now almost in my 4th week of Bar Review and I am finding it a little bit more difficult to stay calm and organized everyday. I have to remind myself more and more to stay calm and focused. I am studying at the law school now instead of home because that way I don't take a nap when I get sleepy. I haven't been sleeping well because my mind won't shut off. I find myself analyzing and trying to solve hypos at 3 and 4 am.
I think this is really affecting me and that is why I am so tired and not focusing this week. I am going to make a stronger effort to debrief, wind down and go to bed earlier and I am also going to include some daily exercise.
I think it's all just starting to feel so daunting, the idea that we have to know all this and be able to apply it at the drop of a hat. I feel anxious sometimes but without really being able to identify the exact reason to my feelings.
This morning was rough, I woke up a bit late (from not sleeping well again) and finished an essay then fought with my printer because it wouldn't print my essay. (Husband to the rescue). I grabbed my bags and books and flew out the door. I was about down about half the block and was fumbling through my binder to make sure I brought my essay, then I felt the my foot hit something soft, wet and squishy. I looked down and there, below my SANDAL was a gigantic pile of dog poop. Fantastic. I just about vomitted right there and there by how disgusting it all was. So, I did what every normal girl would do who was stressed beyond crazy, and started crying. I don't know why I cried, it just seemed like a good idea at that moment. So I cried, and turned around to clean my foot (yes foot) and my sandals. I walked back limping to the apartment in the weirdest walk of shame of my life.
I got in the shower, rinsed off my sandals, my feet, and cried a little bit more. I was debating about skipping lecture, because at this point, I'm a half hour late, but I somehow came to the conclusion that if I skipped lecture two things would happen 1) Sarah Palin, Alabama and Arizona would have won the day and 2) I would fall behind. I didn't want to be defeated so easily so, I put different shoes on then ran out again. Take 2.
Lecture was fine, and now I am eating a banana and nutella crepe and a coffee shop taking a quick breather before my intense study day begins. I am determined to feel accomplished tonight before I go home. I keep telling myself that nothing worth having or doing in life is easy, and thus, I must keep working hard. After all, It's only for another 39 days, 954 hours and 57255 minutes... but who's counting right? ;)
Lastly, we went to go see John Leguizamos Ghetto Klown show on Broadway last night with a good friend, and it was amazing!! We bought rush tickets for $26 and it was well worth the study break and perfect timing. His show discusses the adversity he has faced as a Latino actor and the fact that he never gave up and kept going, regardless of how difficult things got for him. It was about owning your talent and fighting for what you are worth. So... Armand, Yadira and I found this to be serendipitous since we were just talking about these ideas during dinner. He came out after the show to sign autographs for people and was incredibly nice and short. :)
I hope all is well wherever you are. I'll be back soon. :) I leave you with this video which accurately depicts the feelings of how I feel about law school.
