I don't know if my quotable card will get me through this one tonight... lol.
It's almost 1am and I still cannot finish packing. This sucks. I am slowly losing my enthusiasm and fear is kicking in. I'm annoyed, I'm sad, I'm angry and more than anything I am not ready. I thought I would be more put together with all this packing but I think deep down inside I take my time so I can stay longer. And that makes me mad.
We got into our first big blowout tonight about moving. I tried hard not to fight but I wanted to leave earlier. I wanted to leave Friday so I could slowly come out of my shell in the city and not be that much more afraid. I wanted to slowly acclimate myself to the city and not be scared of it, like I am now. I am still excited but I am scared. We fly out Saturday, and it's really not that big of a deal but for some reason it messed me up. I'm like his sister in that way, because when I create a timeline I plan to stick to it come hell or high water and when it changes, ooh, it makes me angry. But I realize that I am just scared of it all.
I haven't cried until right now because I've been telling myself to be strong. This is the first time that I am admitting that I am scared and I think for that reason I just want to go so that I can just launch myself into it and get used to it that much faster. I think tonight was just a bad night in general. My BFFs got into a fight and the other one has a sick family member and it makes me sad for her and her family. She doesn't need this now, and the other two crazies need to stop fighting because it hurts my heart. Oh yeah and my poor sister's dog got run over and had to be put down as well. It's been a rough weekend. Especially for her. <3
I think I just need to go to bed. I hope I have a better week.
I hope you all have a great week.
<3-
jaz
