"If you never chase your dreams, you'll never catch them"
I hope that one day I can look back at a day like today and say, "that was the moment that I knew I had to change my ways" or "from that day on, I never did that again."I will not be attending the White House dinner after all, which is fine by me. I get it. Limited invitations, no tickets, etc. I understand. But what I can't seem to comprehend is how other "staff" will get to attend the White House briefing event, and I have to stay outside, while the entire team, except for me, gets to do nothing and head back to the hotel.
Plans changed today and now 2 additional staffers will assist with the White House briefing. I get to sit on a bus. Today was the last straw for me and I had to speak with my Director to ask him if I could at least attend the White House briefing. I will not get to see the Commission or the rest of the staff after that event. I told him that I've worked really hard on the project and that I will not be with the Commission or staff when they receive their certificates. I was professional and calm and I hope he will consider asking for permission to have me attend the White House briefing. I have to imagine that he can, if he was able to get the two additional staffers there. Again, I am not asking for recognition or acknowledgments or rewards. I want to to attend to finish out the project correctly and to say goodbye to everyone.
I learned today that I can no longer be such a hard worker without advocating for myself and for my needs and for what I believe in. I felt incredibly disheartened and upset by his announcement this afternoon and I didn't cry, because I knew that would get me no where, but I can't describe the pain I felt in my heart.
I've always been a hard worker and a team player, and my hard work on this project has always been so that the team can move ahead and so the Report and the Commission look as fantastic as possible. I work tirelessly so that it all appears to be flawless. I am 10 steps ahead of the process and at the same time, cleaning up after everyone and everything. I'm a team player, I always will be, but from here on out, I will stand up for myself and for what I deserve.
Nice girls finish last, and I refuse to finish last ever again. The last time I finished last, I was in 5th grade and it was during field day. I will not allow today to be another one of those days or moments in my life.
Even if nothing comes out of this, I stood up for myself.
